The Love of a Lifetime
by MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
Summary: Lily found it hard not to stare at the man before her. The love of her life, her best friend since seventh year. The one who had been there through every milestone whether horrifying or gratifying. The one who was willing to promise her forever.
1. Prologue

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Summary: **Lily found it hard not to stare at the man before her. The love of her life, her best friend since seventh year. The one who had been there through every milestone whether horrifying or gratifying. The one who was willing to promise her forever.

* * *

The Love of a Lifetime

She awoke at the crack dawn, when the tip of the sun had just grazed the horizon, sending light rays of calming orange across the sky. For hours she sat in one spot, staring into the mirror and silently cursing the deep, purple bags underneath her eyes. Of all the days to be sporting dark circles it had to be today - the biggest day of her life.

It was hours before some form of life entered her apartment, and by then she had hardly moved though there was definite progress in her fifteen minute shower. Her mother sauntered down the tight-quarters of the sidewalk and knocked quickly on the door. With verification, Lily allowed her entrance and the conversation broke out.

"How do you feel, darling?"

"Fine, Mum." Lily's voice seemed harsh and distant - perhaps from the lack of continual chatter over the last twenty-four hours or so.

"It's finally arrived!" her mother cooed, busying herself with a teakettle on the stove. To save her time, Lily waved her wand at it and it irrupted into life. In return, her mother then pulled the pantry open and took out bread and then to the fridge and pulled out some ham and eggs. Lily lifted her wand to help but got cut off, "Oh dear, don't! Really, now. I ought to cook you a nice small breakfast. After all, a girl only gets one wedding day in her lifetime!"

She knew there was nothing in fighting it, she inherited her stubbornness from her mother and when her mother truly wanted to do something badly enough, she hit a new level of stubbornness that Lily never quite attained. Lily just sat there watching her mother cook her breakfast; something she had customarily done for her, her father and her sister and Lily wondered what kind of meals she'd cook for her family. What kind of food--

"Are you sure you're feeling all right dear?" she asked, turning to look at her daughter with surveying eyes.

"Of course, Mum," Lily responded quietly, her voice soft and feeble.

"It's completely normal to be nervous, you know," her mother said, not turning back to the food but staring more intently at her daughter. "Even when you know your heart is in the right place, dear, it's hard to understand the finality of marriage."

Lily looked up at her, "I get the finality perfectly well, Mum. I have seen death too much to not understand it."

Her mother's eyes took pity. "I know, dear. But you can't speak of marriage as if it were death. Marriage is the beginning of new life, not the ending of it."

She nodded her head, "I know." There was a long pause of silence where her mother turned back to the stove and Lily sighed quietly to herself.

"He's a wonderful man, Lily."

"It's no question of that," Lily said, her lips smiling at the thought of him, at his dark brown hair and tall stature. "He _is_ wonderful. He always has been. But don't you think we're a little young? It seems like everyone else does."

Her mother turned back around, the apparent reason for Lily's anxiety had finally surfaced. "Of course I don't. You're twenty years old Lily and you've been when the boy since you were seventeen. Never once have you separated due to arguments. Especially now, with the war around you, you two fight for the Order and never argue about involvement--"

Lily stopped listening and her mind threw itself in a whirlwind of thought. They had never broken apart due to arguments, but her mother was under false pretense with the lack of arguments. Lily remembered all-too-well the times she begged and pleaded with him about different missions; but with his stubbornness and strong-will, she got nowhere with him. It's not as though she didn't care about him, her heart absolutely adored him. But they were so young, so busy fighting and watching their friends die...

"You'll be fine, Lily dear. He's quite a special man."

Lily nodded, giving her mother a reassuring smile. "I haven't been able to live a day without him for the last three years."

* * *

She could hear the music in the next room. It wasn't distant but it felt rooms away. The large, white, oak doors before her swung open and her father guided her through them. Looking down at the end of the aisle she saw him; tall and strong and a smile so clearly plastered on his face. He looked so divine, his dark-hair glistening in the lighted room. All thoughts of insecurities fell short, fell behind the moment she walked over the thresholds. Her heart fluttered inside her chest, much as it used to when she was first dating him.

Her step held mild anticipation as she glided down the aisle, careful not to drag and dirty her blinding-white gown. When she reached the end of the aisle, her father slipped her hand into his, roughed and callused but familiar nonetheless.

As the preacher spoke, giving blessings, Lily found it hard not to stare at the man before her. The love of her life, her best friend since seventh year. The one who had been there through every milestone whether horrifying or gratifying. The one who was willing to promise her forever.

When the time came for vows, he spoke his clearly and meaningfully and she could feel tears prodding her eyes as the ring slipped onto her finger. She cried out in happiness, beginning her own vows of love and lifelong devotion.

"With this ring, I thee wed."

And within a moments time, Sirius Black leaned down to capture her lips in a luscious kiss.

* * *

**Want more?**


	2. Chapter 1

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note:** Please read and review, I'm itching to get next chapter up but I want a bit more support before posting two chapters in two days. This is a really basic, setting-up the future type chapter and it will get more exciting after this.

* * *

Sunlight cascaded through the window, laying sunlight gingerly on the sleeping redhead. Two days following the ceremony, she had accomplished a great feat: moving everything out of her apartment, into his. When the sunlight became too glaring, she rolled over to Sirius' side of the bed, hoping to escape the rays beating down on her face. The mere fact that Sirius wasn't there awoke her.

She knew where he was, of course. It wasn't as though he just picked up and left her without warning. He worked early on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday mornings. Every other night, he worked late. When her eyes had adjusted to the room full of light, she propped herself up and stepped onto the wooden floor. Walking through the apartment and into the kitchen, she examined her surroundings. His home was familiar enough to her since he bought it at seventeen, but she still walked throughout, studying the curves of the rooms and their furniture. And as she stepped into the kitchen, Sirius fully on her mind, she frowned.

She wanted a honeymoon.

It became as simple as that. She didn't fight for it of course, Sirius was just too busy; he had too much to do and barely got the wedding day off. But she can't deny that she didn't want to go away with him and spend a few days without any worries; however, that turned out to be impossible.

While lost in her thoughts, she had made tea and was now humming to herself and sipping it. She just wished they hadn't fought about him returning to work last night. They had their disagreements but their fighting was more extreme than just banter: harsh words were thrown around.

She sighed resolutely and decided to get ready for work. On her way, she would stop by his office. He usually wasn't too busy on paperwork days, like today, unless they called him out to the force for back up. This often happened, but Lily decided to take that chance and when she was ready, she left the house and immediately apparated to the safest spot near the Ministry.

It was a quiet day, along the great crowds of wizards pushing through the halls of the Ministry's main level. She crammed herself into an elevator and waited patiently to travel all the way down to the second level. At every level two or three wizards left the lift, making the travel down eight floors take minutes.

When she did reach the floor, a few owls that had been perched in the lift took off above her head and soared in various directions. A few "Damn!"s could be heard from the workers who had lost papers in the owl's wake. She seemed to almost run to the end of the big room, where the Auror department called home and when she reached the door with the plaque Sirius Black on it, she rasped her knuckles along it, and grabbed for the handle.

"I can't effing believe--Oh, come in," his voice rang out; he did not look toward the door, but stayed staring at his paperwork and when he heard the door close behind her, he breathed, "Yeah?"

"Just stopping by, love," Lily said quietly. Sirius jumped out the sound of her voice and turned to her.

"Hullo, Lils." He was smiling very broadly as he drew himself level to her, pulling his arms around her and kissing her tenderly. "It's been ages since you last visited me at work."

"I know," she said, "I was on my way to work, actually, and I thought I'd pop in a quick visit."

"I'm glad you did," he said, hugging her again, "I'm bored out of my bloody mind, with all this effing paperwork. Wish they'd give it to the interns to do, that's ruddy well what they're here for--"

"I thought you lot dropped the interns because you needed them straight away on the force...?"

"Mmm." He gave her a kiss on the forehead. "And they wouldn't _need_ them on the force, if they'd just let us true Aurors be on duty instead of having paperwork to do all the time."

"I know, darling." They had discussed this so many times. Sirius' relationship with work became a love-hate; he really just wanted to change the entire make-up of the department so he worked tirelessly for promotion. "I really must scamp off, Sirius. I've got to be there in about twenty minutes or I might get--"

"An annoying lecture," Sirius finished, capturing her lips for a second time and then letting go of her. "Say hello to Prongs when you get there, he's only just starting out."

Lily looked back at him, "What d'you mean? James just got a position there?"

"Yeah," Sirius confirmed, going back to his paperwork. "He wanted a job, didn't want to be an Auror," he added with resentment, "so I suggest the Prophet; at least you two will have someone there to trust and talk to."

His voice turned very serious as she headed toward the door. "Be careful, Lily."

"I will, Sirius," she muttered routinely. "I love you, darling."

Perhaps if she had said it before she closed the door, he might've said it back.

* * *

The prophet, as usual, was quiet - unnervingly quiet, full of witches and wizards skirting around each other, wanting to go undetected, never wanting to draw the attention of the Death Eaters. All in all, Lily found her position very boring. She was a writer for it, but nearly every piece she tried failed for some reason or another and the news became so tainted with untruths that she just came to work for the pay and hardly ever stressed about production.

She had put in a request from her overseeing superior Amelia Bones to move to the layout portion of the Prophet. From what Lily was told of the job, it held entirely little consequence, as every piece was hand given to her by Amelia and therefore approved for publishing. Lily hoped for the position, but wouldn't know for sure if or when she would get it.

Lily herself had an office much like Sirius' but considerably smaller and instead of her name being placed onto the door, it was just set on her desk. When she reached it, tapping the door lock open, she nearly fell over in shock. James was lounging on her desk, with the front legs of the chair in the air, his feet propped up and his head held up with his arms.

"I know what you're thinking," he said rashly, taking his feet off of her desk and sitting up straight. "How'd you find my office, you berk, right? Well, it did take quite a while and I am quite glad I came here an hour early to have the time to look through every office."

"You looked through every office?" Lily questioned, throwing her bag onto the top of the desk and sitting down on a seat Lily placed for visitors.

"Ah," James said, his eyes enlightening in a smile, "I needed to tour the place somehow. So, how do you like working here? Bit of a boring place, isn't it?"

Lily nodded quietly, "It's an okay place to work. I only work here to work, if you know what I'm saying."

James, himself nodded in response, taking a sip of the glass Lily just noticed was in front of him. "It's useful to keep an eye on things, but it's not like you or Sirius need the gold from--"

"Stop that, now!" Lily said before she could help herself.

"Wha--"

But his voice was cut off by Lily summoning the drink from his hand and into her own. She stood up and brandished a small rag onto the desk.

"I don't even drink on my desk," she muttered harshly, using the rag to wipe up a woodstain that wasn't there. "You could spill or--" She sniffed the drink. "Do not tell me this is firewhiskey, Potter." She couldn't help but address him by his last name.

He grinned, "Okay, then, I won't."

"How could you possibly drink this early in the morning?" she asked, half taken aback half awed.

"There's only a pinch of it," he now said so seriously. "And I'm sorry about setting it on the _precious_ wooden desk, but I need something to get me going in the morning--"

"_Black coffee and firewhiskey?_"

"--so I can function to the best of my abilities."

"That's rich," she said, unable to stop herself from smiling at him. Wanting to get him away from her personal belongings she muttered, "C'mon, let me give you the grand tour around the office."

"Brilliant," he said, rising to his feet. She wondered how in two days he seemed inches taller. "I'll lead, I feel like I already know _everything_."

"Well you don't," she said matter-of-factly, pushing herself out the door first and into the deadened corridor. "That is why I shall be leading you around the office, and you shall remain quiet and listen to me."

"Yes, Mum," he said. When she looked to her side to give him her regular disapproving stare, she saw he was looking around at the offices lining the corridor.

"Production's not on this floor," she said quietly. "We'll have to go up the lift to see it."

"Lead the way," he said nicely, falling back into step behind her.

The floor above was loud enough to hear from the elevator and Lily heard James give a great exhale and mutter, "_This_ is more like it."

The printing room was pure havoc, parchment flew everywhere and amongst it was Amelia Bones, brandishing her wand, her voice loud, clear and cold.

"Now, stop that this instant! What am I, a nanny? I will not tolerate these childish actions we are grown adults, Stebbins!" A feeble man was now staring at her. "I don't care if you and Fawcett don't agree on the proper headline, that's not your job. Just put this damned layout together and begin the basis for tomorrow." She spun around on her toes to walk to the elevator. "Lily!"

"Hi, ma'am," Lily answered back politely, and James snorted to her left. "It's nice to see you, always working hard."

"Someone must," she said, throwing a cold look behind her at Stebbins, who was ripping up a piece of parchment suggestion from Fawcett. "I'm glad you're back and rearing to go." She took a step toward Lily and in a hushed voice said, "I know you've just put in a request for position change. I don't normally grant so soon, but Stebbins and Fawcett need to be separated. Stebbins is stubborn and unable to work with others and Fawcett is just plain bad at layout design." She sighed looking back at the rowing duo. "I just need to find you a partner for it and you'll be ready to go there."

"We've corresponded but haven't properly met," James chimed in, bravely stepping toward the older lady. "James Potter, Miss Bones."

She looked positively delighted. "Ah, yes Mr. Potter! How nice to meet you."

"I was just touring him," Lily said quietly, unable to catch Amelia's attention back on herself. "He was also wondering what he--"

"James are you any good with puzzles? You know, placing things together and building--"

"Layouts, perhaps?" James said, smiling genuinely at her. "Never too old to learn, right?"

"And Lily's perfectly able to assist--"

"Miss Bones, I--" Lily cut in. This time she got the attention from both of them and her voice faded. She couldn't say, "I don't think James is serious enough about this and I request another partner." Instead she went with, "I think it's a great idea, James was top of our year at Hogwarts."

Amelia smiled delightedly, congratulated James on his position and told him how happy she was with his appointment. Before she reached the lift, she distinctly muttered in Lily's ear, "He's a gorgeous bloke! Pity you're already married, Lily, dear." Lily blushed and opened her mouth but closed it immediately. Amelia then spoke louder, "James, we're a little tight on office space, I'm afraid. But if Lily doesn't mind sharing, we can make you a desk and get you all settled there."

"If it's fine with Lily, it's fine with me," James said nicely and Lily nodded her own approval.

"Fantastic! And good luck," Amelia said, closing the lift's door behind her.

"So, partner and now officemate," he said, looking out into the publication room in front of him. "Let's begin."

"You don't even know where to start, you brute," she said as he launched his way through the tables and over to where Stebbins and Fawcett were just arguing.

"I know, that's what you're here for, love," he called back. "Now, what is layout?"

"You're a prat," she laughed, joining him at the table and picking up an old copy of the Prophet to point out the idea.

"Gee, I love you, too, Lily." It was a good thing a tint of blush was still left on her face and perhaps James would mistake it for warmth.


	3. Chapter 2

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

* * *

Lily arrived home from work around seven to a dark and cold apartment. It took her mere minutes to fill the kitchen with a roaring fire and begin a late dinner. Sirius hadn't returned from work, but when he had, the super she prepared was waiting for him. He kissed her cheek as he came in behind her. She ladled more soup into a dish and thrust it to him.

He avoided it. "How was work, love?"

"Fine," she said. Had she not been taken aback by this outright rejection, she would've smiled: she had had the best day of work at the Prophet in all her time there. James always kept her laughing.

"Good," he said, walking past the kitchen and into the bathroom. "How'd James do?"

"Fine," she repeated, following behind him with the soup outstretched. "Sirius, why--"

"What?" he called from the closet. She made a sharp turn into it and he stood up and all at one a loud gasp and a clanking sound was heard as the bowl fell to the floor. "I'm so sorry, Lily!"

"I made your favorite soup for you," she said, quietly magicing the soup off of her. Speaking softly was all she could do to prevent a screech. "Specifically for tonight!"

"Thanks, love," he said, helping her by drying her jumper. "I had a quick dinner at work, though."

"You could've owled," she said, walking away from the heat of his wand and into the kitchen. He sighed.

"Lily," he called, striding into the kitchen. When he entered it, calling "Lily!" once more, he saw that she was gone. Frowning, he took another step toward the front door, but when he didn't see her there, he shook his head, defeated, and walked back into the bedroom and into a warm shower.

Lily took one step out the front door of the apartment and sighed. Hearing Sirius' faint call from outside the door, and fearing he might come out to find her, she thought of the first place that popped into her head and apparated there. The Leaky Cauldron was slightly busy for the average Tuesday night. She stepped into it and marched toward the bar, ordering a firewhiskey from Tom.

Her mind didn't allow her to analyze her surroundings, it was too caught up with Sirius. Three years of being with him taught her well enough to know that a quick bite at work was equivalent to a night out with a few work mates. Her heart pounded at the thought of this and for some reason she felt very upset. Probably more than she should've been. _It was just soup_, she told herself.

"Now, now, is the ever-perfect Lily drinking _firewhiskey_? Or doth mine eyes deceive me?!"

She nearly choked as his voice tickled her right ear drum. "Potter, you scared me half to death! And are you quoting _Shakespeare_?"

"What?" he said, taking a sip of his own firewhiskey, "can't I read what I please?"

Lily grinned a little. "You surprise me."

James smiled, but then the smile faded. "What are you doing here so late?"

"What are _you_ doing here so late?" She took another sip.

"I'm only saying," he said quietly, setting down his firewhiskey and pushing it away from him. "You have someone to go home to and I'm sure he's home by now--"

"Oh yes he is," she responded quietly. "But I just fancied a walk."

"Ah," he said. "Something wrong?"

She wondered if it showed on her face or if he could just read her.

"I just overreacted a bit," she said quietly. "I came home and made dinner but he didn't want any so I left."

"Said he already ate?" Her nod was followed by one of his own. "I see."

She seemed to forget, for whatever reason, that he knew Sirius just as well as she did.

"I just wanted him to enjoy a nice dinner with me," she said honestly. "And now I have all this extra soup that I won't eat and I certainly won't want to eat alone."

"Well, then let's go," he said simply, standing up and taking a step toward the door.

"What?" she said quickly, turning to stare at him.

"You just said you have a load of soup and nobody to eat it. Consider me a volunteer. Let's go. Sirius won't mind, I haven't seen him in ages."

Lily simply stared at him. He took out a galleon, threw it to Tom, covering both their firewhiskeys, pulled Lily by the hand to the door and apparated them back to the apartment.

Pushing through the door, Lily and James stepped into the still vacant kitchen and could hear the shower shut off in the distance.

"Mmm. Smells good," he said, reaching into a near cabinet and picking out a bowl. "Fill me up, ma'am."

Lily smiled, scooping a large amount into the bowl; James didn't pull away. She scooped more. He stayed persistent, but this time Lily laughed.

"I still want some too," she said, in a half joking, half exasperated way.

James sat himself at a nearby barstool and took big spoonfuls of the soup and Lily stood leaning on one of the counters and nobody spoke.

Sirius stepped out into the kitchen, a shirt and pair of shorts on, muttering, "Lily, are you--" He caught sight of James and immediately lost his train of thought. "Prongs, mate! What brings you here?"

"Just stopping by," James shrugged. "Hope you don't mind I'm eating your soup; Lily offered and I must say it's delicious."

Lily smiled coyly to herself, turning away from the friends. She turned back to see them now in deep discussion. She took the last bit of soup into her and Sirius' bedroom without muttering goodbye to James.

* * *

Lily didn't hear Sirius enter the bedroom later that night or leave it in the early morning hours. She must've slept through it; perfectly plausible, she reasoned, as she looked toward the clock at her bedside and saw she only had ten minutes to get to the Prophet. By the time she rushed through her morning routine, skipping breakfast, and skidded into the main lobby of the Prophet, she was two minutes ahead of schedule. Unable to find food in the lounge, she headed to her office. She was too distracted by her hunger to notice the new plaque on her door.

**Lily and James Potter**

When she rushed into the office, she was surprised to find someone, Rita Skeeter, talking animatedly with James, scribbling down notes. They didn't seem to notice her entrance.

"Now, now, James," Rita said, smiling broadly. "Don't be modest! Tell us. We all want to know why you've taken a position up at the Prophet. I'm here for the juicy details--"

"And I keep telling you," James said, leaning away from her, "I needed a job so I got one--"

"But James..." Lily, swearing she saw her eye lashes flutter, cleared her throat. "Lily!"

"Hello, Rita," she said nicely, setting her bag at the desk opposite the one James sat at. "Nice to see you working so early in the morning."

Rita tore her eyes away from James and they narrowed slightly. "Well, you know me, Lily, always on top of our biggest story."

"Our biggest story?" repeated Lily. "James Potter working at the Prophet is the biggest story? I must've misheard you." Rita's eyes were dangerously narrow now but Lily paid no mind. "I hope I don't sound rude, Rita, dear, but I really need to speak to James about today's layout."

Rita scoffed off, slamming the door behind her.

"Thank you," James said, staring at her. "I was beginning to think I would get stuck with her forever."

"You need to learn how to deal with her," Lily said, taking a seat in Rita's empty chair. "I'm sure there are more important things than your addition to the Prophet's staff--"

"I'm glad you want me here--"

"but you never told me why you started working here."

James smiled at her.

"We both know you don't need the money."

James smiled even broader. "Well that much is pretty obvious."

"Have I told you lately how attractive your arrogance is?" Lily smirked, standing up and gesturing toward the door. "You haven't changed much from school, I see."

He followed saying, "That's always refreshing to hear, Evans."

They walked side-by-side for a minute without saying anything.

He cleared his throat. "I meant Black..." Lily pushed the button and the lift opened for them and the silence continued. "Just caught up thinking about Hogwarts."

To what appeared to be James' immense relief, Lily smiled as the lift jerked to a stop.

"Just don't hex me now, Potter."

"I was all talk then," he laughed, regaining his carefree mentality. "I never would've."

Lily smiled, leading him toward the layout table. "You haven't changed much from school," she repeated, laughing at the mock anger on his face. And as she looked behind her, at his softening features and alighted face, she knew he had changed. At least a little.


	4. Chapter 3

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

* * *

There was a soft breeze that could be heard swaying the trees out the nearby window, gracing the windowsill with a familiar scratching of branch on wood. Silence engulfed everything. Lily listened into the silence but heard nothing; she opened her eyes in the darkness but saw nothing; she raised her hand into the air around her but felt nothing. The eerie silence had awoken her, as odd and paradoxical as it sounds. She fumbled around for her wand but couldn't find it. The hair on her neck stood on end as her mind raced for an answer. _Where was her wand?_

"_Sirius?" _she whispered out helplessly into the darkness; she knew he wasn't home, but muttering his voice calmed her slightly. She hardly noticed the tears in her eyes and her harsh and battered breaths.

She stayed silent for minutes that felt like centuries, every second ticking by felt like an hour. The mild anticipation of what could possibly happen kept her wide-awake even through the dark and sleepiness of two AM. Her mind wandered into dangerous territory: Sirius was usually home by now, even on late nights he never had the night shifts. Where could he be? A lifeless figure flashed before her mind's eye: Sirius. This figure filled her night eyes, but never the waking ones.

A sound from the kitchen interrupted her thoughts. She sat still, feeling her heart pounding, wondering if it had the capacity to push itself out of her chest. A light from the kitchen lit a sliver of floor in her room. Her lungs lost all trace of oxygen. She had heard so much about him. Of his cold, blood red slits of eyes. Of his high, cold, cruel laugh. Of his tall, dark, bloodless body. Would she finally see the slits of eyes, hear the dark laughter, witness the inhumane body of Lord Voldemort? Did he give his victims the pleasure of seeing the laughter in his cold eyes, of watching as his skeletal body shook in fits of hilarity at the thought of their death?

Regaining control over her body, she continued searching for her wand all around her, but didn't find it. The door to the room burst open completely and a figure strode right in. To her immense relief it was Sirius. He barely looked at her as he entered, a horribly rushed look upon his face. When he did catch sight of her he went to her side.

"Lily," he said softly, kneeling to pull her head to his chest. "Have you been crying, love?"

"I was worried," she said, trying to reestablish a calm in her voice; she just wanted to hold him close to her. "And then you came in and I can't find my wand--"

He picked it off the ground, "It's just right here, darling. Don't worry, now." He kissed her tenderly on the lips and pulled away. "I have to be off, though."

He whispered it, as though that would make it any better for her to hear. She looked up at him. "Are there attacks right now?" she questioned, getting out of bed and throwing a robe around her. "Sirius, do they need back up on the force?" His face confirmed her fears. "But, Sirius, you've been working all day! Can't someone--"

"Lily, I must." His voice seemed almost cruel.

"I don't want to stay here alone, Sirius," she said. "And I know it's your work! Trust me I don't want anyone to get hurt tonight--"

"Lily, I must go," he said rationally, leading her out the bedroom door. "I'll be back when I can, love."

"Fine, if you _must_ go then let me go, too. Then at least--"

"Lily you know just as well as I do that Crouch doesn't allow assistance from non-Aurors, I could get in serious trouble for--"

"Fine," she said, her jaw clenching._ "Fine." _He tried to leave her one last kiss on the forehead but she avoided it. "But I'm not staying here alone. I'm going somewhere."

"All right," he gave in. "Just be careful, Lily."

Before another word was spoken, she apparated; before she could fully feel idiotic for running to someone else's home, she rasped on the door and received the answer, "Who's there?" from James Potter's voice.

"It's Lily," she said breathlessly.

She could hear the door creak but knew James wouldn't open it without confirmation.

There was a tinge of reluctance in his voice when he commanded, "Prove it."

"Oh, I don't know, James!" she said, staring around her, into the dark street of Godric's Hollow. "In fourth year you got mad at me so you turned my hair green. Is that proof enough, James? I can't--"

But the door opened and he admitted her in, a bit of a smirk on his face. "I wasn't mad," he said, pushing the door closed and locking it behind her. "I just thought that it would be nice if your hair matched your eyes!"

Lily smiled slightly at his excuse but then felt awkward, standing in the grand kitchen of his cottage.

"I'm sorry for barging in so late. I probably woke you up with--"

"Not at all," he said, offering her a seat at the table. There was one lone dish sitting along the top, only half eaten. She wanted to question why, of all the times to be wide awake and eating, James chose nearly two-thirty in the morning. But she felt no need for simple questioning when she felt safer here with James than she had at home.

"How come you're here so late?" he asked conversationally, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Everything all right with Sirius--?"

"Yes, yes," she muttered, looking toward the floor. "He's off on the force, at the moment, actually. Got a late night call. Attacks, he said."

"By Voldemort?"

"He didn't say."

James shook his head, pouring some coffee into a mug. "I'll bet we have an Order meeting tomorrow; it feels like it's been ages since the last one."

It had been five days. Both Lily and James knew this, but it did not prevent them from feeling like it had been a lifetime. They both felt worn, felt as though they had lived a lifetime watching their friends, colleagues and classmates die.

He offered her the coffee, which she graciously accepted, though they both knew they should not be feeding nocturnal instinct but relaxing and welcoming sleep. Late nights did not mean later mornings at work.

James made up a soft-blanketed area on the couch where he laid down. She sat on the floor next to it and they just talked. For hours they sat, just talking. Talking about the war around them: the Order, Voldemort and the future for the wizarding world. It calmed Lily's racing mind to talk about this. The thought of Sirius meeting Voldemort in a battle scared her half to death. But somehow, James' voice reassured her that he'd be okay. She couldn't explain it, it just did. So a few times Lily and James changed the object of discussion to a lighthearted matter. But further investigation of their past: Hogwarts, summers at home and growing up, all showed that their life had almost always been tainted by Voldemort and the death he brought.

James insisted Lily use his bed while he slept on his small couch and despite many pleads from her side, he stayed strong and she gave in. But she never made it to his bed. The hours of talking and listening to the soft sounding wizarding radio put both of them to sleep: Lily, laying her head on the bottom of the couch, one hand brushing the bottom of James' leg lightly. They slept on, well into midmorning and it was nearly eleven AM when they showed any signs of awakening.


	5. Chapter 4

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note:** It's a long one, but I have the next two chapters planned out already so it's only a matter of time for more. But this will have to hold you over for a little while. More support more posting:

* * *

Lily, feeling the morning air swarming around her, kept her eyes tightly shut, not wanting to move or feel or do anything. A shift from James was the only reason she opened her eyes: he had pulled his leg sharply away from her and was yawning an apology for startling her.

She yawned heavily watching him and pulled her hands behind her back stretching.

"What time is it?" she yawned again and before James even opened his mouth to speak, an owl swooped into the room and a red envelope burst open. Shortly after, another owl followed and a second red envelope surged into life. Amelia's voice was distinguishable for each but they couldn't make out what she was saying, only random screeches of "JAMES!" "LILY!" and "IRRESPONSIBLE" sounded throughout the room.

James jumped up and walked toward his bedroom; Lily was astonished to see his slow pace.

"She sounded mad," Lily called to him, standing up and tightening her own robe over her night gown. "Better move a bit faster than that, Potter."

"An extra five minutes won't make a difference we're already getting our arses kicked to a bloody pulp, right?"

"See you at work in ten, then," Lily called, walking toward the door. James followed her. She wanted to tell him thanks for letting her stay over. But more so, thanks for easing her mind; however she seemed unable to truly thank him. She sighed, knowing she would get time for it later that day when they were tirelessly producing a proper layout so she gave him a smile, took a step out the front door and apparated back home.

She didn't know whether to expect Sirius or not, and when she crossed the thresholds, the bitter silence engulfed her. On the counter was a three inch piece of parchment with Sirius' messy scribble on it:

_Lily,_

_I guess you came and went to work before I got a chance to see you. The attacks were brutal  
five dead and ten wounded. I'll stop by at your lunch break if I can. I miss you, love._

_Sirius_

_P.S. Dumbledore said we have a meeting tonight at seven, if you don't already know.  
If I don't see you at the Prophet I'll see you then._

Lily read the letter twice then left it on the counter, moving into their bedroom. It looked just as she had left it the night before; in her opinion it looked like Sirius didn't sleep at all. Her stomach gave a lurch. She was unsure if this was a lurch of hunger or a lurch telling her that her guts would admit what her mind would not: he knew she had not come home and he had, whether purposely or from inability to sleep, waited up all night until he went back to work.

Trying to push this from her mind, she clambered into the shower and got ready for work.

* * *

When Lily entered the Daily Prophet, the first person she ran into was the last person she hoped to see. But far from being cold and moralistic like her letter, Amelia gave her a soft, sad smile and a nod of understanding. Perplexed by this, and knowing full well that James and her had an enormous task in front of them, Lily walked past Amelia and took the lift up to the printing room. The door opened and Lily saw the tall, looming figure of James Potter bowed over the edge of the table, in seemingly deep concentration.

Approaching him, she saw that the layout he had in front of him was actually very good. He had struggled over the last few days, unable to actually put the foundation down. Once he did that, with Lily's help, he was more than adept at continuing the layout. Today he seemed to have surpassed the need for her assistance.

"Very good," she said, making her presence known. He didn't jump or turn toward her and she seemed certain that he knew she was there and could feel her approaching.

"Thank you," he said quietly, still keeping his eyes on the parchment. Now she joined him by picking up the parts that still needed to be placed.

She watched him out of the corner of her eye. "Thank you for letting me stay over last night," she said, even more quietly than him.

He stopped looking in front of him and smiled into her eyes. "I don't ever mind the company," he said, in all seriousness; even though his eyes were light and jovial, his voice was calm and rational. "I'm just glad you didn't have to stay alone in your apartment waiting for Sirius to come home."

Lily didn't feel the need to nod, because she knew that James truly meant what he said. There was a difference in his tone. Something she rarely heard in all seven years they spent together in school. But she knew that he had been serious and sincere on many occasions. Just none that she had seen. The only part of him she ever really saw was the trouble-making part and how he always seemed to slip out of punishments...

"What did you tell Amelia?" she questioned, her mind now jogged with wonderment. "She wasn't hard on me at all in the foyer--"

"Wasn't she? Good," he said, smiling toward the layout. Lily tried to catch his attention by placing her hand on his cheek, pushing his face upward to look at hers. Their eyes locked and she seemed to be analyzing him; it was as if she was forcing her eyes to x-ray his body and search for an answer.

"What did you tell her?"

She didn't let go of his face and he smiled even broader saying, "The truth."

"There they are!" said Amelia's voice from behind them. Lily and James turned in unison as Amelia led Sirius toward them. Lily's hand dropped limp. "I'm so sorry to hear about last night, Mr. Black. James told me how ruthless--"

"Thank you, Ms Bones," Sirius said sincerely, looking to her. "But you don't have to call me Mr. Black, Sirius is just fine."

Her cheeks flushed a little, whether feeling flattered or embarrassed and she gave another small smile and headed toward the lift.

His eyes were dark and bloodshot, but to Lily this did not take away from his beauty. He still radiated of power; his whole disposition--something he had had forever, something she fell in love with seventh year--stayed intact even through his worn eyes. His body looked tired but stayed tall and strong and handsome.

"I thought you normally had lunch about now."

"I--I do," Lily said, taken aback by his response. She left James' side, stepping forward and into his arms for a quick hug. "But we're really behind so I can't. I'm sorry, baby." She leaned up and kissed his lips, disregarding the formality of being at work; especially on the main floor where coworkers were always coming and going, shouting out different things, cramming for ideas and looking to others for inspiration.

"I know the feeling," Sirius said; she couldn't tell whether he said it sincerely or mockingly. He kissed her one last time and then began to turn toward the lift. "Good luck catching up, I'll see you at the meeting." He paused once more before turning around. "You, too, Prongs," he called back at James. "See you soon, mate!"

Lily didn't turn to look back at James but she was sure he raised his hand in farewell just as she had.

It was well after six before Amelia was completely satisfied with Lily and James' work. They apologized once more for their late coming but Amelia brushed off their sorrow and pushed them toward the door.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Ms Bones," Lily said quietly, walking out the door just in front of James.

"On time," he added, throwing Amelia the cheeky smile he was known for.

She smiled and laughed, "Do try to be a bit more punctual! I used my last two howlers on you two this morning."

Once the door closed properly behind them, James looked toward his watch, "It's ten to seven."

"Best get going to the meeting then, eh?"

"Right."

The Order of the Phoenix met at a small, secluded, two-room cottage out in the wooden parts of England. It was hardly cozy and in the winter time with harsh conditions, it was unbearable. The cottage at this time was even more quiet than usual which Lily and James both knew to mean that their fellow members were already inside. When they gained entrance, they found almost everyone there. Remus Lupin was first at their side, welcoming them with two large mugs: one of coffee, the other of hot cocoa. Both grabbed for the cocoa.

"I thought you'd want coffee, James," Lily said, her hand dropping away from the mug.

"Yeah, Prongs, I brought it for you."

"My, my!" James said, his voice mocking exasperation. "Now I _must_ insist on the cocoa because I'm becoming too predictable!"

Lily laughed, offering the mug to him, he avoided it, though. Instead, he conjured up a new mug and poured half the contents of cocoa in one, taking a long sip of it for himself. He smacked his lips with his tongue, "Mmm."

Laughing once more, Lily turned toward the door, waiting for Sirius' arrival. She turned back around to see that Remus had led James over to Peter and the three of them were occupied in a discussion. Remus and Peter were explaining something to James, who was laughing maniacally throwing his head back and clasping a hand on Peter's shoulder, Before she could wonder what they were speaking of, Sirius had entered and reached her side.

"Hello, love!" she said, reaching a hand around his waist. "Want to take a seat?"

"Of course," he said, rubbing his right eye and leading Lily to a few seats toward the back. "I'm not sure how long I can stay. I only just got away from Crouch for the meeting; there's still loads to do and he's doing hourly checks on all the Aurors--"

His voice was cut off by the arrival of Albus Dumbledore, who looked much like Sirius with his dark and deadened eyes. His appearance swept the room with silence. When he spoke, he needn't do anything but whisper and all within his presence would've heard every word.

"Some of us know without mention, the attacks of last night," he muttered solemnly. "Some of us have worked tirelessly in wake of these events to help." His long pauses strengthened the group; Lily held on to Sirius' hand more tightly. "Voldemort is on the move again. He's getting more power into his hands. And as great as our Auror department is," he nodded his head toward Sirius and a few others, "we need to become more active in the pursuit of Voldemort. His spies are flourishing in all parts of the Ministry. Ours must surpass them in effectiveness."

A general murmur of agreement flooded the group.

"Therefore I must insist upon reports from members who hear and see suspicious actions. Any wind of Voldemort's future plans, anything remotely telling we must note."

Dumbledore, worn and tired, closed his eyes and sighed; going toward Fabian and Gideon Prewett who were actively talking, buzzing with news to give Dumbledore. The other Marauders joined Lily and Sirius in a matter of minutes but nobody said anything. Sirius glanced toward the door twice before standing.

"I have to get back," he said to Lily.

She almost didn't bother asking, "Can't you even come home to supper for a few minutes? I could cook someone up for us right quick!"

Sirius shook his head, with what would seem to be a sad look on his face. "I'm sorry, Lily. The sooner I get back to work the sooner I get finished and home for bed." He stifled a yawn, kissed her forehead and turned to say goodbye to his friends. He usually told them a broken promise of, "I'll see you soon," or at least an idea of meeting for lunch sometime over the next week. But his goodbye was simple and now beyond the fake promises nobody ever expected him to keep.

Lily muttered her goodbye to the boys too, a look of disappointment on her face as she followed Sirius out the door and apparated back to her empty home.

She had started boiling some water on the stove and taken out a few handfuls of noodle to put into it when there was a knock at the door.

"It is I, James Potter!" he said, in what Lily thought to be his gallant knight-in-shining-armor's voice. "Mary McDonald asked me out twice in the fifth year but I was too hooked on one, Miss Lily Evans, and shot her down both times in front of the entire Great Hall!"

She broke the seals on the doors and admitted him entrance, pushing the old memory of Mary out of her mind. When he entered the kitchen, seeing the small amount of noodles she was cooking, he pulled out a brown sack filled with food.

"I invited myself over for dinner," he explained. "And I'll be cooking it too." He stared into the pot once more. "No offense, dear Lily, but that's not nearly good enough for two upstanding peoples such as ourselves!"

She laughed, tearing into the sack of food with him; they laid it all upon the counters, bumping into each other. More than once James mockingly scolded Lily for causing him to spill all on the floor, and then condemned her cooking abilities while burning food himself. For some time during their dangerous endeavor, Lily was reminded of the wonderful James Potter that one Mary McDonald use to rave on and on about.

* * *

"You have to be joking!" screeched Lily, in glee, laughter etched into the young lines of her face. 

"I'm not," James said, grinning at her before taking a deep sip of cocoa. He was lounging on the living room couch with her, drinking cocoa after their horrifically filling dinner. "My dad saved all his Exceeding Expectations and Outstanding essays and copied them for me. So whenever--"

"Whenever you needed an essay and didn't feel like writing it you just gave in his old essays!" she seemed only half concerned with his cheating. "That was an awful reason to save such great essays!"

"My granddad did it before him," James grinned proudly. "Although I think my granddad did it to sell it to younger students when he got older."

His laughter grew louder as Lily slopped cocoa down her front. Wiping her chin she said, "You did that, too, Potter! I remember!"

James grin became a guilty one but it never faltered. "Yes but that Weasley kid said his mum hardly got the chance to teach him the proper formatting for an essay so--"

"--So instead of teaching him and helping him learn, you sell him the essays!" Lily said sternly, still slightly smiling at how terrible yet kindhearted it was. "It's a miracle none of the teacher's caught on to the continual essays; first from your dad, then you, and then Bill."

"Well my dad never had the teachers we had, so I was in the clear. I tweaked mine around a little bit when I was bored in the summers at home," James said, in a bored yet proud voice. "It was a simple thing to do, change some words, keep the general flow and information, and, voila! another Exceeding Expectations essay for a Gryffindor!" He gave her an odd look and said, "Not a big deal, anyway; not like the kid paid me any more than a few knuts or maybe a sickle if it was an essay for a term paper!"

"You're terrible," she said laughing. Not a moment after, Sirius stepped through the kitchen and walked toward them.

He looked in wonderment at the couple before him and said, "Hello there, Prongs, what brings you here so late?"


	6. Chapter 5

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

* * *

_Not a moment after, Sirius stepped through the kitchen and walked toward them. _

_He looked in wonderment at the couple before him and said, "Hello there, Prongs, what brings you here so late?"_

"Well," James said, rising from the couch and going toward his friend, "I figured: I'd be miserable at home alone and Lily would be miserable here alone, so perhaps if we just stayed around together the miserable would cancel out!"

"Ahh," Sirius said, still looking between them. "Anything good for supper, Lily?"

"Not made," she answered, walking past the men to the kitchen. "Everything needs to be cooked. Is there anything you'd like me to throw on real quick, Sirius?"

"Nah, not hungry at the moment, love," Sirius said, sitting on the couch.

Lily stopped rummaging through empty cabinets but didn't turn around to look at James or Sirius. James was still awkwardly standing in front of Sirius, facing toward Lily but looking at neither. When he did turn to look at Sirius, he saw the glare of gray eyes and cleared his throat.

"Well, I ought to be off," he said quietly looking at neither of them. He said, "See you," to the room and walked toward the front door. After Lily shut and locked it behind him, she turned to find Sirius up from the couch.

"I can make you something, if you like Sirius." She said it so formally that he had to double take and make sure it was her who had spoken.

He shook his head again, walking toward the bedroom, "I think I'll just go to bed."

"Stay up for a bit longer," she begged. "Tell me about your day. We could just sit and listen to the wireless."

"Nah, I don't think I will," said Sirius, moving out of sight.

She moved so quickly into the bedroom, that she appeared a blur, and found Sirius pulling his shirt over his head.

"Sirius!"

"Yes?"

"Why can't you spend some time with me? I never--"

"Lily, I'm sorry. I'm tired from work."

"You're _always _tired from work," said Lily bitterly, "because all you do is work! We've been married for five days and haven't spent any time together. Sirius, this is not a marriage!"

"I'm sorry," he said insincerely. "I'm really busy with work, Lily. I am very close to moving into the ranks with Crouch and I don't--"

"Wait!" Her voice was soft and clear now. "You're getting a promotion?"

"About to, yes," he said in a low voice. "That's why the hours have been so chaotic."

"What kind of promotion? Even more hours to work, Sirius, because then--"

"I don't know, yet, love, be patient."

"Sirius I _can't _be patient. Not anymore."

"I have to work hard for these promotions, Lily! Don't you want me to succeed within the department?"

"Of course, I do," she said offensively. "But I also want to see you." Had she not been so angry, she would've wrapped her arms around his bare waist and spoken into his chest. "I hate feeling like we're roommates."

Sirius turned away, running a hand across his face as he sighed.

"God, Sirius," she turned around to face the opposite direction. "I feel like I'm married to James because I see him more than you. It's like you don't make time for me anymore." She paused again and though she didn't see, he turned to look at her. "God, I want a life with you so badly."

"You have one!" he said, taking over the offensive tone. "Here we are." He held up his finger, brandishing the wedding ring in the air. "I love you--"

"--I've never doubted that, Sirius, it's just--"

"--But I have to work a little harder to get where I can settle down--"

"--I understand I just want to--"

"--And then--"

"--I just want to start a family soon and--"

"--I'll be able to - wait! What did you say?"

"I want to start a family, Sirius."

"So soon?" he asked quietly, taking a step closer to her. She turned and stared straight into his eyes.

"Yes, Sirius. I've been in love with you since I was seventeen! I've known you are the one for me for years now! I'm your wife and I want to have children with you."

"This is not a good time, yet, Lily," he said honestly, but gently. "I'm sor--"

"Oh, I agree completely, Sirius," her voice snapped back at him. He could hear the malice in her words as she said, "You don't even make time for me, how will you ever make time for a child? How will you find time in your _important, busy lifestyle_ for a baby? Your own baby?"

He stared at her, as though he had been slapped. He almost brought his hand to his face as though in physical pain.

"Why are you so bent on having kids now, Lily? We're only twenty years old! Been married less than a week and you want to start popping out babies!" She had no response for him, but any attempt would've been cut of from his continual banter. "I don't understand how you could've gotten so selfish over the last four days."

Lily's mouth fell open. _"Excuse me?"_

"I mean it," he said harshly. "I just want to help the cause against Voldemort and his Death Eaters and all you care about is--"

"All I care about is _you_, Sirius!" she said, striding past him and to his wardrobe. She pulled out a new set of robes and threw it at him. "Get out of here! I can't stand to look at you right now." She turned so he wouldn't see the tears welling in her eyes. "Don't bother to wake me in the morning, though I doubt you will because it might take up too much of your time. And we surely can't have that!"

* * *

Nearing three-thirty in the morning, Lily's senses shook her awake; but her deep sleep meant she was hardly awake enough to notice Sirius slip into bed with her. He curled up toward her, placing his arm lightly on her.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear. "I am very sorry, Lil."

She looked up at him, her eyes only half-seeing, her brain only half-thinking. Yawning, she turned toward him and laid her head directly on his chest, a smile on her lips. The last thing she remembered were lips upon her forehead as she drifted off to sleep again.

* * *

Despite Lily's anger toward Sirius for his cutting words, when she awoke a few hours afterward for work, she stared at the spot where he once laid and frowned heavily. She missed him. She couldn't help it: she just cared for him beyond anything even when he was horrible to her.

When her alarm sounded for the second time, she sighed and raised herself from the bed and slowly walked into the kitchen. She stopped dead in her tracks when she found Sirius pouring some juice into a glass and overlooking a pan of eggs and bacon.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, coming up behind him.

He turned, smiling at her and said, "I owled them and told them I couldn't make it in today."

Lily's face spread into a wide grin and she leaned up to kiss his cheek. She leaned on him to view the contents of his breakfast. "Mmm! You haven't made us breakfast in a long time."

"I haven't done a lot of things in a long time."

* * *

Lily was anxious to leave the Prophet that morning: Sirius was getting a few hours of sleep while she was gone, but she still wished to be home with him. James picked up on her anxiety almost immediately.

"Why so jumpy today?" he asked, not looking directly at her.

"Sirius is home waiting for me."

"Off today?"

"Told them he wasn't coming in!" she said proudly; it was hard to ignore the excitement in her voice. "I'm just waiting until we're done here so I can go spend time with him." She paused, leaning to grab a photograph and put it on the layout. "I feel like I haven't spent time with him in years."

"Go."

"What?" She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Go," he said simply.

"I can't just go, James. I've got to be--"

"No, just go," he gave her a small smile. "I'll cover for you if anyone asks. Go."

Had she stopped to give him a proper thank you after turning toward the lift, she might've seen how he seemed to be unable to smile; had she known anything about him, she might've known is uncanny ability to force smiles.

But her mind was occupied with the man awaiting her at home, whom greeted her with roses and love. And she never once thought of James or the Prophet when Sirius surprised her with a dinner in a muggle Italian restaurant he knew she had often visited in her youth and then with her favorite, old black-and-white movie.


	7. Chapter 6

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

Date Posted: 11/06/07

* * *

"Sirius," she said, kissing him squarely on the mouth. He returned the kiss for a long moment before actually showing signs of listening ("mmm" he said through her lips). She pulled away, a glint in her eyes and smiled widely. "Do you remember our first kiss?"

"Bloody hell, no!"

She giggled, "No teasing! Honestly..."

"Of course I remember," he said, his smile growing with every syllable; he kissed her again. "I planned it for a month."

"No you didn't," Lily said, laughing and leaning up to kiss him too.

"No, you're right. I didn't. But that's what made it so great."

"I agree."

_A dark and cold December's eve, _Lily pictured in her mind. _A small blanket lining the floor of the Astronomy tower._

_"You're late," Sirius had said when she pushed the door open. He didn't turn. He didn't worry that it might be someone else in the late evening coming to the tower. He knew it was her. He just knew._

_"I haven't got that ridiculous cloak like you do," she said teasingly. "Every other corridor some Prefect or another had an issue that they __**had**__ to talk to me about." She began to walk toward him, still talking to his back. When she reached him, she kneeled down beside him and cupped his shoulders in her hands. "Then I ran into Potter on the seventh floor and he tied me up for a bit."_

_"Now I know that's an excuse," he said, turning to look at her for the first time. "James knew you were on your way up here."_

_She gasped mockingly. "Why I wouldn't lie!"_

_"To me you would," he said, placing his arms around her waist and pulling her into his lap. "Everything you've ever told me has been a lie. Right down to..."_

_She smiled at him, pushing her forehead to his, staring straight into his light gray eyes and running her hand through his kept hair. "I couldn't lie to you. I'd never be able to live with hurting you."_

_He smiled at her honesty, placing his own hand against her cheek. "I know," he said after a slight pause. "I know you better than you know yourself, Lily Evans."_

_"I don't doubt that," she said, her smile growing as he held her ever closer to him. "You are quite an amazing person, Sirius Black."_

_"Oh really?" he said, catching her hand in his and tipping her backward playfully. "An amazing bloke, eh?"_

_She desperately reached for him, trying to bring her struggling hands to his solid and secure shoulders. "Like I said, Sirius...I never lie."_

_"Do I?" he asked rhetorically; she shook her head in response, smiling a small smile at him. "I love you, Lily."_

_She could feel her heart pounding and had lost complete control over her breathing; her eyes welled with tears of joy and with no effort she smiled brighter than she had all night. He loved her. After all the months of wondering if perhaps he felt something too...now she knew. And he had said it, simply and meaningfully._

_"I love you, too."_

_His satisfaction in this reply came with the meeting of his lips to hers: the tight embrace as one heart bound to another, one soul to another. All seemed right in the world that moment their lips first met._

"There were fireworks that night," she said, more to herself than to Sirius.

He leaned down, pulling her into a kiss much the way their first one was, holding her tightly, feeling her love.

"And now?" he asked as he pulled away.

"They're still there." She smiled broadly, pulling him in for another kiss.

"Sirius?" Her whisper mirrored that of a few hours previously. He kissed her, not wanting to speak, wanting to hear her soft voice in the darkness. "I don't want to go to work tomorrow."

Sirius threw a look to their bedside table, "Not to burst your bubble or anything, Lil, but work's not tomorrow." He motioned toward the clock that read 4 AM. "It's in three hours."

"Shame on you, keeping me up so late!" She said, patting his nose with her finger as though he had done something wrong.

He laughed, thrusting his arms around her waist and pulling her on top of him again: he kissed her neck. "You weren't complaining a little while ago."

She giggled, kissing him on the lips then tracing his face with kisses. "And I'm complaining now?" she asked innocently.

All in one motion Sirius picked her upward then turned himself on top of her. "No sleep for you tonight."

"Mmm," she said against his lips. "I think I'll live."

* * *

"You look chipper."

"I_am_."

James Potter stared at her over the layout in front of him. "You're also late," he said, his eyes falling back to the parchment.

"So what if I am?" came her indignant reply.

"You got shagged last night." He said it so simply, so factually that Lily gaped. He studied her once more. "And judging by the look of you - and pardon my French - you got fucked a lot. Guessing Sirius is home a lot more, eh?"

"As a matter of fact he is," Lily said, wishing his eyes would stop studying her body; but the moment she wished it, his eyes fell back on the parchment. "With his promotion and all. Today's one of his few full days during the week."

"Why is that?" His tone seemed innocent.

"Well I suppose it's partially because it's been so quiet lately..."

"And what happens when the attacks build up again?"

"Then I'll gain peace knowing that Sirius is home safe with me!" she lashed back at him.

He laughed ruthlessly at her. "Come on, now, my question was serious."

"As was my answer," she snapped back. "He'll be home with me."

"Don't be naive," he said, still shifting work. "When they need someone to fight, they'll choose him. And he'll say yes."

"Why are you being so childish? You sound like Potter again."

"Well,_Evans_," he snipped back. "My name hasn't changed, has it?"

"Well_mine_ has! And it would do you a service to yourself to not forget that, Potter." She laughed - not a happy or content laugh but an overwhelmed-with-disbelief laugh. "After all these years and you're still jealous."

"Jealous?" he hissed back. "Jealous of what? You and Sirius? Hogwarts ended years ago, you may've forgotten."

"Tell that to yourself," she shot righteously back at him. "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt then - you aren't jealous of Sirius and I, but then what? Possibly because you haven't been touched by a girl in three years."

"Shows what you know!" he laughed meanly back at her, she looked uneasily back at him.

"Who's to say I am not getting shagged every night?"

"By who? Exactly?"

"Say, Mary McDonald."

"You said you never dated her!" Lily said, shocked by the words from his mouth.

"Yes," he agreed. "We aren't _dating_. Don't plan on it, either."

"You're despicable."

"Who are you to judge my life, hmm? I didn't know I needed your approval before I fucked someone." His eyes were flashing in a way she had never seen them before. "And do I need to have you there to supervise? Make sure I'm not out of my rights, eh, Evans?"

"I am not going to tell you again!" she said, seizing the only way out of his retort: flashes of his body (or what she supposed it looked like) ran through her mind. "It's Black, Potter, not Evans."

"You will always be Evans to me," he said, his voice returning to it's normal calm. "Some things just never change."

And as he spoke this, different things on the mind of each young wizard, neither knew how true this would turn out to be. A few short-lived days with Sirius gave meaning to these words when one morning she awoke to find him gone.

The sky was clear, uncharacteristically so, for she had received the note that there had been attacks. Mass-killings of Muggles and wizards alike. She stared at the parchment for what seemed to be hours but the words never changed. Her heart knew that Sirius was okay but her mind was preoccupied with James' words.

They hadn't spoken since the incident at the Prophet, even when they worked together over the following three days. The time did not take away from the meaning; it did not undo the burns of hearing that laugh followed by that phrase - knowing that James was right.

Lily tried to get her mind off of James and began washing the dishes by hand. It was three times around the kitchen - all the utensils, plates, platters, bowls, pans - all the like - before Lily sat down to wait with her thoughts.

It had been marvelous, the past few days with Sirius. Waking up to the sound of his soft breathing, only to see him wake up and kiss her deeply. Lily owled out of work three days in a row to spend time with him. They went for morning walks, traveled Diagon Alley looking for nothing in particular and just reminisced about old days at school.

She threw a look at her watch again and saw that she was late to work. She sighed, folding the note from Sirius and placing it into her robes pocket and she headed toward the front door.

The Prophet was buzzing when she got there. Owls were flying every which way, delivering the news from office to office. Lily ducked as a Howler jetted past her head. She wasn't paying attention, her mind still preoccupied on where Sirius was and why he hadn't been home that night.

She didn't bother going into her office, choosing to go straight to the pressroom. James was waiting inside bent over the table as usual. He didn't look up when she entered.

"Here today?"

"Yes," was her quick response back. "How's it going?"

"Fairly well," he said quietly, moving over to allow her room. "I think I've got it about perfect."

"But you've only been here about ten minutes!"

"Not too bad," he said, holding a smirk off of his face.

He did not look up at her and for this she was grateful. It was only mere minutes before they sat down with the finished paper in front of them. The awkward silence grew and an almost astronomical rate before even a word was spoken - but this was to Rita Skeeter who was walking by, whispering to another Prophet writer.

"Done already?" came Amelia's voice from behind them, only moments after Rita avoided their hellos. "Well aren't you the perfect pair?"

James looked up at her and smiled politely. "We try our hardest."

Lily rolled her eyes but smiled as broadly as James. "James did most of the work."

"Lily taught me all the tricks," James said, giving a small wink to Lily.

"Perhaps I could borrow your brilliance in another department of the Prophet today?" Amelia asked, beckoning them along with her. "Bring the paper, we're going to start running early copies and start shipping them out."

They followed her silently deeper into the offices, some even Lily hadn't been in since she arrived at the Prophet. Amelia set them up, giving them instructions before pushing herself past them to yell at a disgruntled Stebbins.

"I'm sorry," James said before they even sat down to work. "I'm sorry for what I said the other day. I was just in a bad mood and I really didn't want to take it out on you."

"I may've added to that bad mood," Lily said quietly, sitting down next to him and setting up their work area. "I am sorry too."

"You have nothing to be sorry about!" he said sincerely, helping her move their supplies around the table. "And to make up for it you should allow me to buy you some coffee on our lunch break."

"Black coffee?"

"If you so desire."

"Hold the firewhiskey?"

"Aw, you're no fun!"

She threw him a smirk at which he gave his cheery laugh. The hours of work seemed to float by and lunch came upon them quickly. James led Lily out to the front doors of the Prophet. It was a moment before he realized she had stopped walking at the threshold.

"What?" he asked, turning to look toward her.

"Where on earth are you taking me for coffee?" She almost wondered aloud.

"The Leaky Cauldron," he said as though it were obvious, pulling her to the outskirts of the office.

"They have coffee at the Leaky Cauldron?"

"Ever since I got them a coffee machine, few years back," he said conversationally, holding her arm and Apparating alongside her.

"Why would you buy them a coffee maker?" she asked as they entered through the dark and hidden doorway.

"I spent a lot of time in Diagon Alley during the summers," he explained, leading her to a small table. "So for Christmas during sixth year I sent it with a note saying they'd better get ready for me for that summer."

"What did you do with all that time?" Amongst this conversing a waitress came for their orders and was preparing to bring back two large coffees. "Wander around the Alley way? Has got to get a bit daft after a while, hasn't it?"

"I mostly hung out at Quality Quidditch Supplies," he said, a reminiscent smile forming sweetly on his lips; even his eyes seemed to be seeing the old days. "Helped out the owner however I could. Just loved the atmosphere, you know? All the broomsticks and the kits, and robes and all the like!"

He sighed loudly and she smiled at him. "Must be nice to have that."

"Have what?"

"That passion. That... that devotion."

"Finding something--or someone--" he stared pointedly at her, "--to love is one of the greatest gifts in life. And the great thing is those passions don't always have to be the same."

He took a large sip of the black coffee. Lily was pouring mounds full of sugar and creamer into hers, lighting the color dramatically. She didn't say anything in response to his statement. She merely stared at him, hoping he wouldn't interrupt her racing mind.

In all of her time really understanding things - more so than a child, at any rate - she had never encountered someone with the finality James had. It was as if he just knew things. Things she could never argue: there would just be no point. Nothing would come from it; he was just right.

This quality about him scared her a little bit. It was intimidating at times, but at others, it was quite reassuring, making her feel some sense of security.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing, James. Just thinking."

Easily enough came an excuse to stare at him. Not to just take in his face, but to try to surpass the outer shell: to see into the heart that beats, the mind that thinks, the soul that feels. She wondered if he had always been so intelligent.

She knew he had to have been. He was top in their year, smarter than any other Gryffindor in their year throughout all his schooling...

"I think we'd better go," he said, standing up, leaving money on the plate as he went. He smiled at her giving her a hand out of her seat

"You were always very good a Quidditch." That sounded as stupid aloud as it did in her head, she was sure of it the moment her mouth formed the last syllable.

"Thank you," he said kindly, "wasn't sure you'd noticed." He led her back into the street and they Apparated back to the Prophet's front doors.

"You showed off back then."

"Not always."

"A lot of the times," she corrected.

"Not always," he repeated, leading her back into the lift and pushing the button to go upward. "I only showed off to get your attention."

"And then you stopped trying to get my attention?" She asked as if she was a bystander in their relationship; like she had not been there to live through his escapades for attention.

"I stopped trying to get your attention," he said simply, leading her once more out of the lift and into their work area, "when you started trying to get Sirius'."

He didn't seem phased by his own remark; his face stayed solid, though his eyes were light. She knew at one point this was difficult for him, but that the pain, what little of it was left was subsiding.

Silence still hung in the air. What could she say at this point to erase the past? To undo a broken heart of a young, love-struck boy who wasn't even given a chance? There was nothing justifiable about it. Part of her knew that she needn't justify the decisions of a seventeen-year-old girl.

The other part of her would've never shot down the man that was standing in front of her now.

"I am sorry," he said, sitting down at the table, pulling the supplies toward them again. "I should've have said that."

"Oh, honestly..."

But her voice trailed off. Nothing that she could possibly have said could've come after a proclamation of honesty. He didn't look at her and she wondered why. Her mind was so preoccupied with staring at him that she almost knocked over half of the work they had completed. She had to muster all the strength she could to tear her eyes away from his own.

"Any plans for tonight?" he asked, overcoming the awkwardness of their pause.

"Staying in," she said quietly. "Waiting to see if Sirius is going to come home tonight."

For a second he looked as though he'd wished he'd have not asked, but this momentarily lapse ended with a broad grin.

"No, you're going to hang around with me tonight."

"Honestly--"

"C'mon! Be spontaneous for once," he said; she could tell he was trying to challenge her. "Do something outrageous! Who makes plans anyway?"

"We can't just go somewhere!"

"Why not?"

"Because we just can't."

"That's no excuse. Why did they even put you in Gryffindor, you wimp?" he said, playfully grinning at her.

Her eyes narrowed but her could not resist a smile. "It's got nothing to do with--"

"What do you want to do tonight, Ms Lily?"

"I don't know, I just--"

"Wrong answer, one mark off already! Try again. I'll give you two more chances!"

She laughed, "Is everything a game with you?"

"Is everything meant to be serious all the time?"

"No, but you're not just a seventeen year old kid who can just--"

"No, you're right," he said kindly, his eyes growing brighter. "I am not a seventeen year old kid! But I'm not dead, either. And until I am, I plan on having as much fun as I can."

She looked up at him, convinced at his words, at his logic. She knew she wanted to do something and not sit at home alone thinking endlessly about the man she loved but never saw.

"All right," she agreed, standing up and throwing her bag over her shoulder.

He looked up at her upon seeing her purse fly in the air. "Where are you going?"

"To do something spontaneously!" she exclaimed as if it were obvious.

He laughed standing up with her. "Are you telling Amelia?"

"Maybe if I ran into her," she said, leading him to the lift.

"I think I'm a bad influence," James said, giving her a broad grin.

"Just because you're alive doesn't mean you're truly living, eh, James?"

They shared a smile as they left the front doors of the Prophet. Six hours later, Lily and James returned back to her flat having visited Hogwarts, returned to Diagon Alley, traveled to Hogsmeade, toured the Shrieking Shack and had tea with a few old school teachers. Exhausted but satisfied with the long day, Lily led James into the living room.

"What do you want to do now?"

"What do _you_ want to do now?" he shot back, sitting down on the sofa. "This is your free day. What are some of the things you truly enjoy doing?" He looked around the room as if the answer was hidden somewhere. He opened his mouth as though he had discovered something. "If I recall correctly, during our sixth year you became fascinated by old black and white films, did you not?"

She felt as though she had been knocked backward by something large and heavy. "Y-yes," she stuttered out, not turning to look at him. How the years did not seem to phase James' memory.

"That still holding up?" he inquired. "Because I'd love to see one. Perhaps there's something about them I might enjoy."

"All right," she said, smiling, shuffling through the cabinets to look for a film. She kept throwing looks over her shoulder at him as if expecting him to turn into Sirius. She was sure Sirius was the only person who knew her to that detail.

"What is it?"

"Nothing really." She gave a long pause pulling out the film she was looking for, "I just didn't think you'd remember that, to be honest."

"You'd be surprised what some people are capable of."

She sat down next to him, trying hard to keep her eyes and mind focused on the movie that was playing. In her mind, however, James was much more interesting than any kind of film; with all his surprises and all his personality.

"Why don't you date?" she asked before she had the chance to hold it in.

"What?" he asked, still looking at the television.

"Nothing."

He turned from the television, making her unable to hide the tracks she had formed with a simple question. "Honestly, what did you ask?"

"I was just asking about dating," she said quietly. "Wondering why you haven't..."

"Why I haven't gotten a girlfriend?" he finished, turning his attention fully to her now. "I doubt I'll ever have a girlfriend again. At least for a long while?"

Her jaw dropped. "James! Why?"

"Not in times like these," he said seriously. "Can't get involved with someone new; you'd never know if they were... well, you know."

She nodded. "You don't have to date a witch though."

"You're right, I don't. But I want to." He paused thoughtfully, the film forgotten by both of them. "My love is this world. I have always been here and will always be here. That's not like you, though, Lily. Being Muggleborn and all. You've known the Muggle world for so long that Hogwarts was your get away." He looked straight into her eyes. "Does that make sense?"

"Yes, of course," she said quietly, turning her eyes back toward the screen. "It's a shame you don't date."

"It's a shame I can't trust anyone enough to date them," he corrected, turning his attention back to the screen.

The film became the main topic of interest for the rest of the night that James was there for. He left relatively early in hopes to avoid a possible confrontation with Sirius, who was probably so overtired from work that he would just snap in two. Lily let James out, making promising of seeing him the next day and decided to head to bed.

And for some reason, waking up without Sirius the next morning didn't hurt as much as before.


	8. Chapter 7

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note: **I am so sorry for the long absence of updates, as you can imagine I have been super busy but I'll try to update more. This story only has a few chapters left - not because I want to end it early, but because of how I planned for it to be.

**Posted:**03/03/08

* * *

She was quite agitated as she rushed through the bottom floor of the Prophet lobby. Her feet led her through the maze of people, almost hitting a few as she went; Stebbins nearly kneeled over just at the sight of her. She pushed down the hallway, stopping at her office out of habit but still didn't stop to notice the "Lily and James Potter" engraved on the door. Her office was dark - unusually so since James had never come later than her and especially not now: when she herself was late.

Suddenly the lights flickered on and James jumped up before her.

"Happy Birthday!" he bellowed, grasping her for an embrace. After this she wasn't sure if she was more stunned by his surprise or his arms... or perhaps she and Sirius' ability to forget her own birthday.

Behind him she could see an arrangement of breakfast cakes and a small wrapped-gift. Even the room held decorations, not typical balloons, but lilies everywhere. Lily was walking irony: her favorite flower was a lily.

"James... you didn't have to do this--"

"It's your 20th birthday, of course I had to!"

"But the decorations and food, and specifically the present," she looked at his bright eyes and wide smile. "You know I can't accept that."

"You can and you will, Lily love!"

He handed her a plate-full and she took it gratefully.

"Did you make this?" He nodded as he chewed. "No kidding? It's very good, James."

"I am a cooking genius I've been told," he said jokingly.

For the next thirty minutes they ate and talked; the moment conversation quieted, James merely beamed at her and she felt on top of the world in a way that she hadn't before. Time flew by, one moment they were laughing over toast on their way to their layout table, the next they were packing up their stuff and preparing to leave.

"What does your night entail, Miss Lily?" He was moving the flowers to different places around the room as though to find the perfect placement for them: this was his disguise for staying back and talking to her.

She didn't look up at him, knowing her face would give away her anguish.

"Going home and cooking myself a nice dinner waiting to see if Sirius is coming home tonight."

Her voice was blank and monotone as if she'd been preparing that line all day. James was not fazed by this, but showed no contempt for it. He pretended to study something imaginary on the wall and didn't face her as he said, "Well we both know that won't do! Birthday girls should never have to cook on their big day." He turned and said conversationally, "Where am I taking you then?"

"Oh James--"

"Evans," he said, with a flash in his eyes he seemed to not have lost since schooling. "Nothing you say will sway me--we both know this. So where?"

"My house--"

"Lily!"

"You didn't let me finish!" she had a grin on her own face and threw her bag over her shoulder. "We're going to my house so I can change, then to yours, so we can go to Muggle England!"

James laughed, following her outside the door, and through the building.

"Why are you laughing?" she called back at him.

"Because you assume I have Muggle clothing just laying around my apartment."

"Oh," she dropped back to walk side-by-side with him. "Then I'm sure Sirius has a few things you could wear."

"This should be interesting."

Once Lily and James got into the lift, embedded with dishes of leftover food, they received wondering looks from their colleagues. James threw a small look over to Lily, whose grin grew even as the elevator came to a stop. Before taking two steps toward the front door, Lily was nearly knocked over by a fast-moving Rita Skeeter. James caught her right arm and steadied her, throwing a wondering look toward Rita, who was carrying a crisp sheet of parchment tight to her chest.

"What's the big rush, Skeeter?" James called to her.

"Oh, nothing," Rita said, pressing the button that closed the door repeatedly. Just before the door closed, she screeched out, "Oh, by the way, Lily, dear, happy birthday!"

Lily didn't bother trying to call thank you to a closed door, but she did say it to the coworkers surrounding her that had caught on and wished her a happy birthday.

"That was weird," Lily said, once James and her were out of earshot from the group of wizards.

"At least she's harmless," James replied, after they had apparated to her vacant flat.

James grabbed the food that Lily had in her hands and went around the kitchen putting it away as Lily wandered into her bedroom and presumably into her closet. It took a few minutes for Lily to come back out, and while he waited, James wandered around the house and eventually found his way back to the living room they had spent time in the night before. He looked through the movies she had underneath the old Muggle television set. Her collection of Muggle films was nearly astounding to him; he lost count of the old black cassettes and when he took them out to study them he heard soft footsteps coming behind him.

"Oh there you are."

He didn't turn around immediately, but if he hadn't been almost sitting on the floor, he probably would've fallen over. She was wearing a short black and white stripped dress, with long sleeves, and a neck line cut at her collarbones. He hair cascaded down around her face; he couldn't remember the last time he had been taken breathless by a woman... And then he thought about it and realized that there had only ever been one woman who could suck the life out of him and it was the one in front of him at that moment.

"What are you doing, James?" she said it as though she had been repeating herself a few times.

"Sorry," he muttered out, unable to find his voice. "Was just taking a look at what films you've got here."

Lily smiled at him, lending her hand down to help him up. He took it but didn't put any weight on it as he pushed himself off the ground with his other hand.

"Let's go see if I have anything for you to wear, shall we?"

"We shall," he said, linking her arm around his. He felt unwanted knots in his stomach at the touch of her hand. _Dammit, Potter! This is your best--_

"James?" she said, bringing his attention to the closet he didn't remember walking to. She unlinked her arm from his, taking a small breath that he didn't see and opened the wardrobe that held Sirius' clothing. James laughed as he pushed his hand along the clothing, feeling the silk polyester on his fingertips. Lily, who stood near the rack, could see every crease in his finger and every little cut on his hand.

"See anything you like?" Lily asked, eying a shirt she bought for Sirius a year previously that he had only worn once. She reached out to grab the shirt but found it too far for her grasp; she shifted closer, trying to gain a better reach on it, but fell short and lost her balance. She grabbed hold of James' outstretched arm that immediately tensed up to hold her weight. When she stabled herself, embarrassedly, James reached out and grabbed the light brown and green shirt.

"This what you were looking for?" he asked.

"I figured it would be a good try for you," she said, pushing the shirt off its hanger-clasp and holding it up to James. She pushed the edges of the shirt to align with his shoulders and was almost side-struck from how strong his shoulders seemed under her hands.

"What do you think?" James asked, making her eyes jump back to his own.

"I think it would match your eyes," Lily said truthfully, not letting her hands drop from his shoulders. "And I'm sure it will fit you well."

He stared down at her; he bent down close enough that he could count every sparkle of color in her emerald eyes.

"I suppose I should try it on," he said, trying to push his attention away from her and how beautiful her eyes glowed; when the weight of her hands left his shoulders, he swore the spot still felt warm.

"Do you want pants to go along with it? I have some blue ones I'm sure you'd like but I mean," she didn't know what to say. "I'm sure you'll look... you'll look nice either way."

"I think this will be fine," he said, tearing the shirt he was wearing off his body before her eyes. She didn't have time to leave and he didn't even consider the affect this might have on her. Her eyes glued to his slender frame, not overly boney but defined and toned. She almost reached out to feel it but caught herself after her hand twitched.

He quickly buttoned it up, the color rising up to his neck. "Should I button it up all the way?"

For whatever reason, which deep down she knew the answer to, she reached out to the top button on the shirt, held it closed and then let it lose, comparing how it looked.

"Keep it unbuttoned," she decided.

"Are we ready to go then?" he inquired, pointing open-palmed toward the door. She smiled, grabbing a coat from the wardrobe and leading the way out of the apartment and to her favorite Muggle Italian restaurant.

Lily seemed to feel the heat of his body radiating onto her own as the pushed open the front door of the restaurant and led James toward a girl who appeared to be in her mid-teens, holding an array of menus and a small paper schedule.

"Hello, I'm sorry but we don't have--"

"Lily!" came a call from the opposing end of the room. A woman James didn't know appeared before them, her face shining at the sight of Lily. "I didn't expect you to be here, Lily! What a wonderful surprise. Margaret, I can seat Lily and her guest--"

"We don't have any available spots for them to eat dinner," replied the girl, in a haughty tone. "I was trying to tell them that when--"

"Oh nonsense, nonsense," the woman said, grabbing two menus swiftly from the girl's hand and motioning toward Lily and James to follow. "I'm sure I can find a spot for you two. I figure... well..." She continued to look around the full room, as though expecting it to suddenly change.

"I appreciate this very much," Lily said still tailing the end of the woman. "I didn't expect to have dinner on such a short notice but since it's my birthday and Jam--"

"It's your birthday?" the woman repeated gleefully. "In that case, I have a special reserved spot for you!" She led Lily and James further into the restaurant and past the long bar-top and booth-tables. She placed the menus on either side of a small round table. James moved to pull Lily's chair out first but the woman had beat him to it and began fawning over Lily. "Please don't be a stranger! Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," Lily replied quietly, holding the menu out in front of her and skimming all the various choices; in the end she decided on the lasagna she had always gotten.

She did not quite understand how at that moment she could see him in such detail as never before; every strand of hair that stuck away from the others, every line etched on his lips, every little piece of stubble formed on his chin... she swore she could even see every beat of the heart pounding below his broad chest.

He didn't look around at her until their waitress walked up to them and asked to take their order. Lily ordered her first after prompting from James and when the young waitress turned her attention to James, he merely smiled at her.

"The same," he said quietly, handing the menu back to the waitress.

"You enjoy lasagna, James?" Lily inquired, taken aback.

"I've never had it to be honest," James said, taking a sip of his drink and shrugging his shoulders.

Lily could not help but smile at this, even as James resumed his scouring of the room. She kept staring at him, but this time he noticed.

"Lily?"

"Yes..."

He laughed in a slightly nervous way, "You were staring."

The sides of her lips curled upward and she felt like a new fire had lit in her soul. "So I was."

"Did I have anything on my face?" James asked back, gaping at her.

"Nope."

"So why were you staring at me?"

"Just staring."

"Just staring?"

"Yes."

James smirked at her from across the table, high eyes alighting as he shook his head. "All right, Lily." She felt his eyes burning into her skin as she sipped her own drink, her eyes off James.

"Now who's staring?" she laughed, still not looking at him.

"Oy!" he said laughing back, "I'm a free man, I am allowed to look. You, missy, can't--"

Lily's jaw dropped, even through her laughter just as two large pieces of lasagna found their way to the table. The couple grew quiet as they began eating and were left to their individual thoughts. James took to staring around the room once more and Lily pretended to not stare at the man before her as she ate her food.

But all their thoughts involved each other. And Lily's heart found an internal struggle raging far beyond any she had ever felt before. She felt young again--sixteen. Young and quirky like she was before Sirius. The way she was before they became a couple... She felt alive and flirtatious...and young. She closed her eyes and pictured life, as it was when she was sixteen...

Her minds eye could see the long auburn hair she used to prize, could see the small bows she used to place at the end to hold the braids intact... And if she thought long enough she could see James. He was shorter at sixteen than he was now...not by much, maybe an inch or so. His hair was the same...well, at least when he wasn't messing it up. He cut that habit a long time ago...

His voice had been as deep then as it was now, but it didn't seem to fit him quite as well. It had a harmonious quality now, as if--

"Lily?"

She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice and found the same eyes her memory had shown, staring at her. Those certainly hadn't changed... They still held a light in them. A fire. A passion, even.

"Yes? Sorry, I was just thinking," she said quietly, breaking through her lasagna once more.

"James," she said, looking up from her food. "Tell me your life story."

"My life story?" he repeated, taking another bite of lasagna.

"Yes, you know... the story from your birth up until now."

"Haven't you heard it before?" he said, as if it were a boring tale he'd repeated millions of times. "Old parents, miracle only child who got spoiled, berk as a teenager, gorgeous inside and out as a grown man--"

"Don't forget modest," she said, but her eyes were alight.

"Oh, I was just getting to that, of course," he replied, waving off her comment with his hand. He couldn't suppress a grin. "Well, of course, being modest and all I graduated Hogwarts and went and spent some time abroad. Came back here... well, here I am."

"You don't plan on working at the Prophet forever, do you?"

"Oh, no... My ultimate goal was to become an Auror and of course become more involved with the Order--"

"Wait," Lily interrupted, nearly choking on her lasagna; even James became startled and looked up at her. "I didn't know that. Why didn't you join the Auror department? With Sirius and--"

"No open spots," James shrugged off, pushing to chain the subject. "And in any case--"

"You're lying," she said, as though she were offended. "Sirius is always mentioning their need of Aurors!"

"He just told me to sit put and that after some time he'd work a good spot open for--"

"This is dung! Either you are lying or Sirius is. Now fess up and tell me the truth, James."

James looked at her uneasily, "Sirius and I had an agreement... I was going to come to the Auror department eventually but he asked me to wait on it. He's my best mate, I listened."

"But why? I thought he'd love working with you. I don't understand..."

"I swore to him I wouldn't tell you," James said firmly to her, running his fork over his food.

"Does it... does it involve me?"

"Yes," James admitted. "Nothing bad, of course. Look, if there's anything I'm not, Lily, it's a snitch. I honor Sirius' wishes and I won't go back on my word."

Lily looked at James like she wanted to argue but knew there was no point. It was programmed into James to be definite about things and to not turn his back on the people he cared about. That much she had gathered about him over the last few weeks. She gave him a small reassuring smile and continued to eat her food.

Throughout the entirety of dinner, Lily wouldn't keep her eyes off of James. She wasn't sure exactly why. Of course her mind could dream up infinite reasons but she was leaning toward some more than others. She was unsure of whether his general presence, as a male, in her life was causing the sudden rush of affection or if it were something more...

And as they laughed and talked until the last ounce of sauce was vacant from their plate, Lily was leaning toward the latter of the two explanations and it tore her heart up to think it.

So as James walked Lily outside the restaurant, her mind continued its internal struggle. And when James gave her two choices, one: to go home, and two: to spend some time with him, she chose to spend more time with him, hoping it would clear up what flooded her brain.

James reached his hand as an offering it to Lily, who grasped it. When she opened her eyes, she found that James had taken them to a small field and across the field was a quaint playground.

"Where are we?"

"Little Whinging, Surrey," he replied, holding his arm out to her and leading her toward the playground.

"Why here? Why us?"

"I don't know," James responded, "why not?"

The edges of the playground lay bare of grass and instead were covered with mulch and dirt. James led Lily over to a small two-swing set and prompted her to sit.

"Ooh, I can't, James. I'm much too old."

"Bullocks," he said, holding the swing steady for her. "Never too old to be free."

She sat down, smiling despite herself and allowed James to push her. The feeling of his strong hands on the small of her back made it literally impossible for her to concentrate on anything else. She didn't notice that after a while James stopped pushing and her swing came to a stop. She looked back at him in wonderment only to find that he was holding a package in his hand.

"You forgot to open this at breakfast," he said quietly.

"Like I said before, I can't--honestly, you didn't need to..."

"I wanted to."

She ripped at the paper off the small package and found a photo album inside. It was the most gorgeous cover she had seen: a light brown color that fit so well in her hands.

"For the good times to come," he said quietly.

She stood up off the swing and walked toward the edge of the playground. "If there ever will be."

"Why wouldn't there be?" James asked quietly, coming up beside her.

She tried so hard to quiet the words that were forming on her lips; she knew that she shouldn't break down now - not to James. Her mind knew it was not a smart idea but her heart found it so easy.

"You were right, James."

He looked down at her; his lips didn't move but she swore she could feel his heart beating in her own.

"A few days ago when you said some things never change..."

"Lily..."

"I thought that perhaps he'd want to be home more. To stay with me and forget about work." She stared off into the distances, gaining strength from James' presence. "Maybe he never will."

"He loves you."

"Maybe that's not enough."

"What? Love is the most important thing, Lil."

She kept her eyes focused into the distance. "Maybe that's not enough."

"Three_years_, Lily! Three years you two have been together. And now you sound like..."

"I sound like I am married to someone who has changed his priorities." She looked up into James' eyes, which stared back at hers, desiring to understand her dilemma. "Maybe there's something better than that."

She took a small step closer to him, whether from coldness or caring he couldn't tell. "Why should I settle?"

"Do you feel like you're settling with him?"

"Sometimes. Honestly..."

James looked down at her, trying to comprehend what she was saying. "I won't ever tell you what to do, Lily," he said, reaching his hands to her shoulders. "I won't ever tell you what I think is best, or give you a suggestion that might hurt you. But every word you've spoken to me in the last five minutes makes it sound like you've already made a decision."

She didn't look at him for the long minute between their exchanges. "I couldn't live a day without him."

"And now?" he turned her face to look into his eyes.

"And now," she said slowly. "I hardly ever live a day with him."

"He loves you."

"Perhaps."

"He_does_."

"He used to."

"He always will."

"Maybe."

"Do whatever will make you happiest, Lily." He rang his arm around her shoulder, bringing her to his side. "C'mon. I'll take you home."

It looked Lily a long while to enter the apartment after James dropped her off. She knew she shouldn't wait at such a vulnerable spot but her mind was flooded with what just happened. She was so sure that James was still in love with her... She shook her head, vowing to herself that she would not cause any problems with Sirius until she had time to think properly... Only with a clear mind could she decide if she truly loved James.

The door in front of her flew open, and there stood Sirius, his face unshaven and tired looking, his voice harsh and loud.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Excuse me?" Lily said, setting her purse down on the table, phased by how quickly he spoke to her.

"I've been worried, Lily! Where the hell--"

"I'm fine, _Dad_," she snapped back. "Just got back from dinner."

"With who?"

"James."

"Thanks for ruddy letting me know. With all the attacks lately I feel really safe not hearing from you for hours at a time--"

"Says the man who hasn't been home in two days--!"

"And why did you have to go out anyway? Don't you and James have better things--"

"He was taking me out for my birthday dinner, I'll have you know."

"--Cause obviously he's higher priority--" Her words sunk in and his voice died. "Huh?"

"My birthday, Sirius. You perhaps remember that I do have a specific date on which I was born?" she snipped at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Might not be as important as sitting at home with you but--"

"I forgot."

"I know."

He approached her. "I'm sorry."

She didn't say anything that made her seem as if she had heard him. Instead she muttered, "I'm going to bed," and closed the door behind her.

Lily felt as though her head had hardly hit the pillow before Sirius came in the room again and interrupted her thoughts. He was grasping a wad of parchment in his hands; looking angrier than she had ever seen him.

"What? Sirius, what is it?"

He flung the paper at her, almost hitting her in the face with it. It took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to see the parchment. He had thrown the front page the Prophet at her: on it was the headline "FAMOUS AUROR'S WIFE'S SECRET ADULTEROUS LIFE" with a picture of Lily and James kissing underneath it.

"What the f--" Lily breathed out.

"Some kind of dinner you two had last night, eh, Lily?"


	9. Chapter 8

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note: **I am so sorry for the long absence of updates, as you can imagine I have been super busy but I'll try to update more. This story only has one (maybe 2) chapters left - not because I want to end it early, but because of how I planned for it to be. Thanks again for your reviews. Happy reading!

**Posted: **04/11/08

* * *

"Sirius, I--"

Lily's words were interrupted by a knock on the front door, and even if they hadn't been, Sirius, who had jetted out of the room to answer it, wouldn't have heard her explanation. She got out of the bed quickly, pulling her nightgown onto her while rushing out of the bedroom only to find James walking into the kitchen.

"Thanks, Padfoot," James said casually to Sirius. Lily noticed that James was still wearing Sirius' muggle shirt he had borrowed from the night before. "Hello Lily, I just stopped by because you forgot--" He interrupted himself as he pulled out the small photo album from the night before. "--this."

Sirius reached for it sincerely, but once he had it in his grasps, he threw it onto the floor, quickly grabbing his wand from inside his shirt and setting the small book aflame.

"Sirius!" Lily gasped, rushing forward to the smoking album. A moment later the smog around the album subsided and the book looked hardly charred at all. As Sirius reached down to pick it up, Lily noticed that Sirius' spell was not intended to burn the book at all: the letters L and J were simply added onto either side of the cover of the book.

"There," he said harshly, pushing the book back at James who caught it in confusion. "Consider it my wedding present."

"What?" James asked to Sirius' retreating back.

"You know what, James," Sirius said, reeling on the spot and turning to face James once more. "I can't believe you'd do this to me."

"Do what?"

Sirius violently grabbed the Daily Prophet page from Lily's grasp and brandished it in James' face.

"I ask you to join the Prophet to look after my wife, not to steal her!" he roared, throwing the paper in James' face.

Lily looked slightly more outraged than Sirius as she heard this. "What?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, turning close to Lily. "James and I made an agreement to have him look after you at the Prophet - but I guess he already told you this on one of your adulterous dates, eh?"

"How dare you?" Lily fired back, her face turning red, half in embarrassment, half in irritation. "You sent James to be my body guard and--"

"And I didn't expect him to take the job with your body so literally," Sirius grumbled.

"I can't believe you, Sirius Black!"

"Can you blame me? There's some messed up shit happening out there right now Lily and I have to deal with it. It's hard enough without having to worry about you."

"So it's convenient to just let someone else do it?"

"Yes."

Lily stared at Sirius' blatant remark. She tried very hard not to look at James, who was staring between the too although he was looking more so at Sirius than at Lily.

"Well it's good to know that you'll just do whatever is easiest as long as it doesn't bother your Auror career," she snapped at Sirius, who glared back at her.

"At least my ambitions go further than snogging with my spouse's best mate!"

Lily glared back at Sirius, angrier than she had ever been before. She strode over to James, took the parchment from him and threw it back at Sirius. He ripped it up in front of her, a disgusted look on his face.

"Mate," James said, coming closer to the couple finally. "There's nothing going on between us, I promise you. We're just friends and coworkers." He looked at Sirius sincerely. "Can't you see that photograph has been magically altered? Rita must've done some real wand waving to get that one to look real."

"I knew you had a crush on Lily when we were kids, James, but I thought you were over that by now," Sirius said staring James down. "But I guess not."

"It was not a crush, Sirius," James said, working to keep his voice level. "I was in love with her years before you set your eyes on her. For years I tried to get her attention and you just sat by until one day you decided to go for her," James retold, seeming to forget Lily was even there or listening to them. "I didn't stop you then, and I'm not interfering now. You are the best mate I've ever had, Padfoot."

"I'd like you believe you, Prongs," Sirius began, looking squarely at James. "But you're wearing my shirt."

Sirius turned on his heels and stalked back into their bedroom without another word, leaving Lily and James to stand there with each other. They didn't speak for quite a while, both dumbfounded by what had just happened. Lily only saw James from the corner of her eye, daring not to look at him, scared of what he might say if she did. Instead she bent down and picked up the torn parchment, repaired it with her wand then looked at the picture with unfocused eyes. She wondered silently to herself what would happen next. She wasn't sure if Sirius would ever believe that she and James had never been romantically involved; she wasn't sure if she wanted him to believe it. There was something about James that she found herself inevitably drawn to, even if...

"I'd better go," James said quietly, as though to avoid it carrying into the bedroom to Sirius' ears.

Lily turned to look at him, tall and pale looking but still gorgeous all the same; his glasses were askew - probably due to Sirius' brutal comments - and his hazel eyes glowed dimly behind them. He reached out to hand her the photo album, still baring the L and J. She put her hand on it and pushed it away.

"Keep on to it," she murmured softly. "At least until this calms down a bit. It's a very nice gift and I'd hate to see Sirius actually light it on fire."

James gave her a weak smile before vanishing out the front door. It was like the last hour had never happened. Lily's loft lay quiet - Sirius must've been asleep in the bed, or at least immobile, so Lily decided to head over to the small sofa she and James had sat on to watch a black-and-white movie. She laid down, her body covering the full length of the couch, one arm curving under her head holding it up slightly as she stared up toward the ceiling.

Her eyes closed as her mind reeled with thoughts. How could she have gotten herself into this mess? She knew that she should've been to see Sirius - to explain the truth about the photo, to tell him that he needn't worry about James. That she loved him like she had for three years now, like she always would. But the words were hard to find and her heart didn't feel like searching for them. Until this moment she had never considered what James had said the night before - was her mind already made up? Had she already decided that the life she had with Sirius - if it could be called a life - was over?

In the midst of her contemplation, Lily felt herself fall numb. She let out a soft yawn and turned onto her side as she laid, letting sleep overcome her.

_James didn't even bother pacing: he felt too sickened to move. He merely slouched over a chair, looking toward the wall, his hazel eyes unfocused. A quiet knock on the door awoke his senses and his mind immediately traveled to Lily. He stood up straight and jetted to the door, opening it enough to see the outline of his visitor._

"_Prongs," croaked Sirius' voice._

"_Prove yourself," James said, unwillingly._

"_We were able to get our animagus form nearly two months before Wormtail could properly do his."_

_James opened the door fully and stepped backward, allowing Sirius to enter. He didn't say anything for a long time; just followed James deeper into the cottage, until they found the small sitting room with a few chairs and a couch._

"_Prongs--"_

"_Padfoot, you've got to believe me, mate," James begged. "I never tried anything with Lily. I --"_

"_I know," Sirius said, dejectedly. "I read the article. She really had nothing remotely reliable in it..."_

"_It shouldn't have come to that," James said offensively, looking away from his friend. "You should've trusted us without having to read the article first, Padfoot."_

"_I have loved Lily since I was seventeen, James." James still didn't turn to look at Sirius. "But you have loved her since we were eleven."_

_James' eyes flew to his friends and he stared in wonderment. "Padfoot... Lily--"_

"_No, Prongs, listen--"_

"_Lily chose you, Sirius," James said, standing up and moving away from him. "She chose you over me a long time ago. Regardless of what you might think, I haven't forgotten that. I respected her choice then - and I am not trying to change it now."_

"_But it has changed," Sirius said solemnly, rising and following his friend. "She's changed her mind - but more than that. She's changed her heart, and who it loves."_

"_Padfoot--"_

"_Don't." Sirius traveled back through the small house and toward the kitchen, with James behind him. "I ruined it for myself, James. We both know it and we both know Lily's changed her mind."_

"_You're wrong," James said stubbornly, despite the small part of his heart that was soaring. "She just misses you and hurts when you're not around, Padfoot. Give her a few days and you'll be back on the right track."_

_Sirius looked heartfelt at his friend, putting a hand on James' shoulder. "Make her happy, Prongs."_

_He turned to walk toward the door and James came running behind him, slamming it closed before Sirius could even come close to leaving._

"_Say she has changed her mind - although it's unlikely and I know she hasn't - say she has. I would never go back on our friendship like that, Padfoot. She is your wife."_

"_Not by choice anymore, Prongs. I ruined it for myself - I made the wrong choices and drove her away," Sirius said, opening the door and treading through it. "She loves you now."_

As the door closed with a slight clank, Lily's eyes fluttered open. She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but she remembered every detail of the dream. Sighing and holding her head in her hands, she sat up. She rubbed her eyelids, as though this would make her senses sharper - as if it would change anything. But the reality of the situation was still there. Sirius...and James. Part of her wished it would be that easy: that one of them would leave - so that she wouldn't have to make a decision. A decision she was certain she could never make.

But she already had. If her dream told anything, it was that her heart had already chosen where it wanted to go, who it wanted to love. It chose James. It hadn't chosen him because of his extraordinary good looks - although he was quite handsome. It hadn't chosen him because of his sense of humor - although he was always making her laugh. It hadn't chosen him because he was extremely different than Sirius - in actuality, they were very similar.

No, her heart chose him because he was there. He had shown her - even as a friend and a coworker - that he would spend time with her, that he would take care of her. That he would be there when she woke up in the morning and went to sleep at night. It was something she couldn't get from Sirius. Not anymore.

She let out a groan, standing up from the couch and moving through the kitchen. What was she thinking? She could never leave Sirius - she could never give up what they had made together, the life they had built. But it wasn't that simple anymore. Not in times like these. When their days were marked with death and loss - she couldn't spend her life waiting for someone who might not ever come home. Sometimes she wondered if he even wanted to. If he might have found more companionship in a profession than he found in her. It sounded ridiculous in her mind. But if he had changed his priorities, perhaps his heart had changed also. There was only one way to see.

She walked solemnly toward their bedroom and paused in the doorway. He was sitting in their bed, staring off, much in the same way James had been in her dream. He looked up at her for a moment when she entered, but didn't say anything. Lily stared at him for a few moments before heading over to her wardrobe and picking out a casual muggle outfit. When she had dressed she went back to the thresholds and stared at Sirius. Waving her wand silently, an old suitcase began filling with her clothing and other personal items. When it had finished, she stepped into the room and to Sirius' side. As she sat down in the bed next to him, he paid her no attention, even through the words he spoke.

"You made your choice," he said quietly, as though from a long distance away.

"Sirius..."

"It's fine," Sirius muttered coldly. "I should've seen it coming. Go on, then. You've already packed."

Lily looked toward the suitcase by the door, but it made no difference, as Sirius would not so much as look at her.

"I will be just fine without you, and I expect James has already made some space for you over at his place," he said offhandedly. "I've been expecting..."

"Expecting what?" Her voice was barely audible.

"Nothing," he said harshly, standing up and moving away from her. "Just go until you... Just go."

Long minutes passed by, as the couple stayed rooted to their particular spots. Lily's heart was pounding against her rib cage, as her mind registered his words. Why was he being so cold? She knew she shouldn't have packed, but she didn't expect the harshness in his voice to be so overpowering. Her heart sunk at the thought of it... Perhaps their love had failed before they had lost their breath...

"Sirius," she whispered, staring off into nothingness. "Do you remember when you were in love with me?"

She didn't expect a response and was not surprised when minutes passed with no movement from him. She turned to look at him, but his eyes were reluctant to meet hers. Finally, with all the strength he could muster, he said back, "I still am."

Tears rushed from her eyes to her face in no time; one moment she just considered their lack of love... and now, it seemed irrefutable. She rose off the bed quickly, throwing herself toward him and cupping his face in her hands as she gave a small, sad smile through her tears.

"I will miss you," she whispered. "I'll miss us... what we used to be. Goodbye, Sirius."

The door closed soundlessly behind her as she exited their flat. Still hysterical, she apparated to James' home and began pounding ruthlessly against the front doors. James appeared in an instant and flung the door open.

"Lily!"

She threw herself into his cottage, leaving her luggage at the door. Her breathing was heavy and uneven; and her face was still covered in falling tears.

"Lily, what's wrong?" James asked fervently, coming to her side.

"He doesn't love me anymore," she croaked out.

"What? How could you say that? Lily, Lily, look at me... Look at me!" he brought her face to look his way. "He does love you, Lily. More than anything in the world--give him time, he'll come around. You'll see."

"Noo." Even through the tears, her breath seemed to steady with James' close proximity.

"It'll be fine, Lil. You'll see."

"James, you don't understand--"

"I know Sirius can be stubborn, but he--"

"Listen, James!"

"--honestly, he--"

"I left him!" In the chaos of their exchanges, this comment quieted whatever James was saying in defense of Sirius and his actions.

"What? You... you left him?"

"I left him," she said quietly, wiping the tears from her face. "I just packed... and--and I left."

"Well what did he say? I can't imagine him not saying--"

Lily shook her head at him, knowing that the next thing James would say would put him back on the track he had just strayed from. Something along the lines of, "He'll come around; go back and talk with him, Lil." She felt the Gryffindor bravery flush throughout her veins as she looked into the bright hazel orbs in front of her.

"Be with me."

James opened his mouth, as if to retort quickly, but found he had nothing to say about her unexpected statement. It seemed so simple coming from her mouth: as though she had merely asked him to pass the salt or to pick up something from the apothecary.

"Be with me," she repeated again, hoping this would make him speak.

"Lily, I... You can't be serious. You're not think--"

"I am," she said reassuringly. "I certainly am thinking straight! Please, James, be with me..."

"You're married, Lily." James took a small step back from her, as if she was about to leech on to him at any moment. "You're just going through a rough spot now and--"

"I'm not being irrational." She took a step closer to him, and again, he backed up. "I'm being quite rational, James. If I must be completely rational then I must also be honest. For some time now, I've found myself unmistakably smitten with you..."

James gave her a soft, sad smile before slowly moving away from the front door, toward the kitchen.

"Lily, I think you--"

"James, please don't. Just don't say what I know you want to." She followed closely behind him, unfazed by his direct attempt to get away from her; then suddenly she stopped walking, still staring straight at him, a few paces in front of her, he stopped too. "I have been fighting this struggle for some time now and I know you think I'm confused and upset, but I'm not. You make me happier than I have been in such a long time, James."

Tears were welling in her eyes once more, as he turned his back to her, as if unable to keep up his facade.

"James, please don't turn away from me."

"You're married to my best mate, Lily."

"Don't tell me you don't feel something there--"

"I have been fighting these feelings for three years, Lily. Three years!" He turned to look at her once more. "Even before you and Sirius got together, I was trying to stop them."

"James."

"No," he said firmly. "I would never do that to Sirius... even if there was something there."

He turned his back on her, and for the second time tears fell down her cheeks. She was not sure how she could've imagined this moment to be anything except what it turned out to be. As if James would immediately take her into his arms and proclaim an undying love and a monumental devotion.

"Look at me," she whispered to his back. "Look at me and tell me you're not in love with me, James. Tell me I'm wasting my time and energy here... Tell me you'll never give us a chance to be in love and... and I'll walk out your door right now." Her voice broke from all the emotions, even though he did not turn around. For nearly two minutes she stood staring at his back before coming to her own resolution. "I'm sorry for bothering you. Obviously I've made a foolish mistake."

Nothing could have prepared her mother for Lily's unexpected and tearstained visit. Miserable and exhausted, Lily entered her childhood home and collapsed into her mother's outstretched arms.


	10. Chapter 9

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note: ** :) Thanks for reading and reviewing. Soon my focus will turn to Masterpiece so check it out if you haven't already!

**Posted: **04/13/08

* * *

It took a great effort from her mother to lift her back into the standing position and help her to a small sofa in the warm foyer. She left Lily's side only momentarily to go and get a small wet cloth and a glass of water. She pushed the glass into Lily's hand and wiped the tearstains from her daughter's face. Lily's breathing pattern settled back to its normal state as her mother fussed over her. When her mother thought she was suitable to talk, she motioned for Lily to follow her into the kitchen, dragging along Lily's luggage.

"What on earth is wrong, darling?"

She heaved the heavy chest onto the small dining room table that had not yet been set for dinner. Lily was still taking deep calming breaths: part of her could not move past what had just happened with Sirius and then James.

Her voice uneven, she stared straight into her mother's soft eyes, "I left Sirius."

Her mother's eyes stayed warm and passionate but her body curved up stiffly, as though disapproving of her daughter choice. Which she did.

"What happened? You haven't even been married three months!" Lily found she had nothing to say in response to this; little did this matter, however, since her mother still had more she needed to chime in with. "The first six months -- twelve months, some argue -- are the toughest, Lily. You've given up far too soon on dear Sirius. He's a charming boy and I don't see after such a beautiful wedding you could just skip off--"

"He doesn't love me anymore..."

Her mother's comments died in her throat but her eyes still bore into her daughter, unconvinced. "He _told_ you that he didn't want to be married to you anymore? That he didn't love you anymore?"

"Not directly, Mum, but honestly--"

"This is ridiculous," her mother said, moving away from her daughter and moving toward the small stove that was burning several pots at once. "I don't know what's gotten into you, I expect the finality has finally gotten to you? No matter, you can stay here the next few days until you've calmed a bit and then we can sort things with Sirius and you'll be square to move back in."

She was speaking more to herself than to Lily as she made these plans. Lily gazed at her mother's back as though transfixed by her total disregard of Lily's dilemma. Telling her mother that she had left her unloving husband was one thing, but to add on that she was now in love with her husband's best friend and would give in to him in a heartbeat was a completely different matter altogether. And as much as she detested her heart for ruining her life, she knew she would have to face the truth eventually - and there was no time like the present.

"Mum," Lily mumbled, in a voice that made her mother instinctively think of Lily as a young child who was turning herself in for reprimand. "I've something I should like to tell you..."

It took her nearly half passed the hour to finish telling her mother about the article that was published and Sirius' reaction toward it. She hesitated when it came to bringing up the subject of James and his role in this mess.

"And... ah, Sirius wouldn't believe James and I when we told him we weren't shacking up on him! So yes..."

Her mother's eyes narrowed suspiciously at her. "Hmm." Her voice mocked thoughtfulness. "What makes you sure that Sirius is so wrong for you now, Lily?" Lily remained silent, trying not to think too much over her mother's words. "What makes you think that you can spend day after day waking up without him by your side? Not hearing from him for days on end?"

Lily looked bitterly into her mother's eyes. "Because I've already done it." She sighed, ruffling the front of her hair, much in the way James used... to... Her mother, who had forgotten about the meal at this point, was leaning closer to her daughter, evidently knowing that she had just traveled beyond the tip of the iceberg. "Listen, Mum."

She drew a deep breath and stared at the tabletop in front of her, as though she was about to reel off a memorized speech. "Things haven't been going so well between Sirius and I since... the day after we go married."

Her mother studied her, but nodded to show that she was listening and following what her daughter was attempting to explain to her.

"He's never home, anymore. It's a miracle if I see him twice in two days."

"Another wo--"

"No, no," Lily said firmly, quietly thinking that if Sirius had another woman, her life would've been made much easier. "The only mistress Sirius has is the Auror Department."

"He's off fighting a lot?"

"More than a lot, Mum. I was miserable, sitting at home alone. Wondering... wondering if my... if Sirius would come home that night. It's selfish, I know."

Her mother sighed, turning back to the stove once more. "It is selfish," she confirmed blatantly. "But that's how women work. We need the people we care about to give us time, to show they truly care, and then sometimes we need someone there to take care of us. We won't even call that into question, darling, because I understand you and what you're feeling. You want someone to be there to love you. But what I'm wondering is why aren't you fighting? As I understood, that's all you wanted to do when you left Hogwarts: fight to protect others with your same heritage. Is that over now?"

"It's not," Lily said quickly. "The Order's taken a bit of a back burner at the moment to be honest. But I can't tell you much about that, for your own protection. It's... it's not that I don't want Sirius to help, because that's just not true. What he is doing is, for the most part, noble. It would be loads better if he'd let me fight by he side but it's as if, if he didn't have to, he wouldn't even let me out of the house some days."

Lily's mother seemed to think her approach was a losing battle. She changed her tactics. "If you're miserable when Sirius is not around now, how do you know that you'll be happy if he's out of your life for good?"

This was the inevitable question. She knew her mom well enough to expect it. This was the moment she had to come clean and tell her mom the biggest -- she could admit to herself that it was indeed the _biggest_ -- reason she could just walk away from the shattered pieces of an old life.

"Because... I know I can." Her mother gave her the reproachful glare, which she knew to mean that her mother had read right through the comment; and in this case knew that there was something she wasn't telling. "I... I've found someone new."

Her mother's eyes grew slightly rounder, as if she had an idea in her mind of what Lily was going to say and clearly this was not it.

"You... you had an affair?"

"No, no, of course not. I just... I just fell in love with someone else."

"But who?"

Lily purposefully held out a long pause before speaking softly, but clearly, the name that felt sweet on her lips. "James."

"Of all the blokes!"

"I know," Lily said, her voice holding an apologetic tone. "Trust me, Mum, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt anyone this way but... I tried, honestly." Tears were welling in her eyes now. "I tried to stop it. But how could I? How could I stop myself from being the happiest I have been in so long? How could I shut out the one person who does -- who has done -- so much to keep me safe and happy?" She let the tears fall down her face; there weren't many, and they felt relieving and rejuvenating on her cheeks. "I didn't mean to fall in love with him."

Her mother wiped her tears, putting her arms around her daughter's shoulders. "Shh, shh," she soothed, slightly rocking back and forth. "It'll be all right darling."

"I don't feel like I made a mistake," she murmured through the tears. "Even though James isn't in love with me, I am not going to go back to Sirius, Mum. It's not fair... I'd never want to be with someone because it's convenient. I would never want to use someone like that."

"James isn't in love with you?" Her mother had been familiar with "Potter" all throughout Lily's years at Hogwarts and had always associated James with romantic feelings; feelings he held for her daughter. Even with Sirius as her daughter's soon-to-be-husband, and James hanging around as best man, she could still hear the voice of her young daughter complaining about that toe-rag Potter.

"I came to his home before I came here, Mum. It was a little irrational of me, I suppose, but I asked him to be with me." She told her mother of the ultimatum she presented him.

"A mother can only hope that her daughter will make all the right choices that will keep her happy," Lily's mother said. "I only want you to live a happy life with the man of your choice - whether it is Sirius or James is your choice alone, Lily. But what I think you need now is rest and food." She motherly guided her daughter to the staircase. "Take a few days here to figure things out, darling. It'll give Sirius and James to think and it'll calm you down so you can face the decisions when they come to you."

Lily smiled weakly at her mother, who motioned for her to go up the stairs. Shaking her head, Mrs. Evans turned back to the stove and began stirring.

* * *

He was not one to live with regrets since, well, forever. Or at least as long as he controlled his own actions and in turn, his own destiny. But when James Potter watched the only woman he had ever loved walk out his front door in shambles, he could not help but think that it would turn into one of the biggest regrets in his short life.

He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of it. He had done the right thing. By moral standards, he supposed. It took him every bit of self-control he could find to not wrap his arms around the beautiful redhead. Why did she have to marry Sirius? Why hadn't she just fallen in love with him three years ago like she was supposed to? As much as he loved Lily, he could never betray Sirius that way.

Even if Sirius came to him and told him that he was free to do it, he didn't think he could bring himself to do that. Sirius loved Lily. James could never give into his desires when his best friend was desperately in love with the same girl. No, he couldn't act like Sirius did their 7th year…. James kicked at the floor in irritation just as a loud rasping knock came from his front door.

He cleared his head, going across to the door and grabbing to twist the handle. It burst open of what seemed to be its own accord. James peered from behind the door to see Sirius struggling with a box, shoving his way into James' apartment.

"Hey, Prongs," he said overly casual. He walked further into the cottage, raising his voice as he spoke, "Lily! Oh Lily!... Lily I've brought the left over stuff you left at my apartment. Where areeee you?"

James nearly forgot to lock the door behind him as he tailed after Sirius. "She's not here, Padfoot."

"Come off it," Sirius muttered, setting the box on James' kitchen table before heading around the cottage, looking through all the rooms for a sign of Lily or any of her stuff. Nothing was there. "Where's all her stuff?"

"I've told you," James repeated, coming to his friend's side. "She's not here... nor is she staying here. What's in box?"

Sirius ignored his question, purposing one of his own. "What do you mean she's not staying here? Where else would she go?"

"She didn't tell me she was going anywhere," James muttered, wanting desperately to stop this conversation about her. His heart ached.

"I thought for sure she'd head over here." He rubbed his neck while thinking, not looking directly at James.

"She _was_ here," James confirmed, "but she left soon after."

"Why? Aren't you two starting off bunking together or--"

James looked irritatingly at his best friend. "We're not shaking up together, Padfoot. For Merlin's sake! You're so daft, sometimes."

"She's in love with you, Prongs," Sirius shot back in defense. "And you--"

"And I turned her away! God! I am so tired of this shit, Padfoot!" James rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses for a good minute even after he began talking. "Lily came here to find out if I was in love with her... She left knowing that I am not. I would never go behind your back like that, Sirius."

"You're not in love with Lily?" Sirius inquired, in disbelief.

James strode out of the room Sirius and he were talking in and let out a frustrated groan. "I've told you! It doesn't matter what I feel for her, she is your wife!"

"Not for long," Sirius said, coming up behind his friend. James turned to look at him in confusion. Sirius looked solemn now. "I screwed up, James. I really did."

"Padfoot--"

"_No,_ listen!" Sirius looked James straight in the face, eye-to-eye. "We both know that I brought this on myself." Sirius sighed. "You were just doing what I asked you to: look after her. And because I wasn't there, because I didn't ever try to be there, well... well I reckon that Lily saw how much you were with her, saw how devoted and caring you could be... and she fell in love with you."

James looked painfully at his best friend, as though Sirius had just told him that due to James, he had lost his first-born child - which, in a way, he had.

"I let work come before her. I swore I wouldn't do it... but I did it."

James face darkened even more. "I didn't want her to leave you, Padfoot."

"We could play that game all day, Prongs," Sirius said solemnly. "And it wouldn't change a damn thing."

"I'm sorry." James placed a rough hand on his best friend's shoulders. "But I will never be with her, Sirius. I swear to you, I would never want to betray--"

"Sod off," Sirius ordered, evidently trying to lighten the mood. "Just promise me two things."

"Anything, Sirius."

"Swear to me you'll keep your promises."

"I swear."

"When you get married, let me be your best man. And, when you have your first born, let me be the Godfather--no, Prongs, _listen_! Don't think that I will be any less of a friend because of this... I would be insulted if you didn't have me as your best man after all these years."

James shook his head.

"You promised me," Sirius remarked, smirking slightly.

"I won't--"

"A promise!"

"Why are you doing this?"

James drew up to his full height and looked straight into Sirius' eyes, in a way he had never done before; more intense, more frustrated, more meaningful.

"Because," Sirius began, resting a hand on James' shoulder. "You two make each other too happy to not be together." Sirius glared into James face. "Look... I'm not shitting you, Prongs. Go to her, find her, and make her happy... Learn from my mistakes and make sure you are devoted to her with every atom you have. Probably shouldn't be a problem seeing as you always have been."

James, after watching Sirius walk through the door, ruffled his hair as he walked back into the kitchen, thinking heavily about the conversation they just had.

* * *

Lily had a miserable shower, which was to be expected because she felt absolutely dreadful in so many ways. She took her time getting dressed afterward and took even more time getting downstairs to her mother. In fact, Lily planned on staying upstairs a good ten minutes longer than she actually had; a screech from her mother downstairs brought her to the kitchen in next to no time.

"Owl post!" her mother said, regaining a steady breathing pattern. "Haven't seen an owl in quite some time, nearly scared me half to death!"

Lily smiled slightly at her mother's melodramatics, coming up to the letter and unfolding. It was Sirius' messy scribble that she'd come accustom to deciphering. It had hardly anything on it:

_Go to James and find what you've been looking for._

She stared at the parchment for nearly five minutes without fully registering it. What was Sirius playing at? She frowned resolutely, going up the staircase once more to finish getting ready. There was only one thing to do now: find out what exactly that letter meant.


	11. Chapter 10

The Love of a Lifetime

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note:** I couldn't be worse at updating, could I? Please enjoy. Live, love, and be merry. :)

**Posted: **04/27/08

* * *

This was it, she thought to herself, coming up to the door. She closed her eyes standing outside of it and reached her hand out to knock. Three quick knocks, then silence. Lily opened her eyes, focusing on the door handle that stood unmoving. She pressed an ear to the door and heard nothing but silence behind it. Her heart started pounding against her ribcage, her brain reeling around in her skull. Resolutely, she slammed the door open and pushed her way inside. He had been there, of course: he was sitting there at the kitchen table as if he had been waiting for her, as if he knew she would come.

She stood in front of him, for once looming over his figure, the letter brandished in her hand.

"What's this mean?"

He took the letter and read it, as if it were foreign to him; Lily knew better.

"What do _you_ mean?" he replied smartly, unblinking at her.

She looked at him, annoyance etched into every line of her face, eyes staring into his own. His eyes; they had become so familiar to her for some time now. He was staring at her as well, his eyes colorless.

"I've just received your letter, Sirius." She tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke to him. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"To you? You--"

"Yes, to _me_. You send this letter to me, as if to push me to someone who cares for me even less than you do." Before he could even mutter anything close to a retort, she broke back into speech as though she had been prepared to say this all along. "As if you don't already know that I've made a fool of myself in front of him--"

"What _are_ you going on about, Lily?" he asked genuinely. "That letter was sincere--"

"Bollocks," she scoffed, folding her arms and looking away from him.

Sirius didn't say anything immediately back to her, but merely stood up from the old wooden chair and move toward her. Her eyes turned to look at him but her body stayed pointing in another direction.

"I did mean it sincerely," Sirius said, quieter than before. "Believe you, me: I'm not happy about this, but I'm also not foolish enough to fight this. I care for you too much."

Lily was utterly confused by these remarks and she turned her body toward him once more, giving him her full attention.

"What are you saying, Sirius? That you love me so you want me to be with James?"

"Frankly, yes. That is what I am saying."

"I--"

"It's stupid, I know, but I've been thinking about this."

Lily felt tears well in her eyes once more and hated herself for them. He was reaching a hand out to her - a hand she once loved everything about: every small cut, the small rips near the fingernails, the way the smallest finger on his left hand bent slightly to the left more than the others. A hand she had let go of, had rejected only hours before.

"He'll give you things I never have and never will. Hell, things I never could have." Sirius ran a hand through his hair, sighing. She was staring so intently at him now. "As much as I care, as much as I love you, it's nothing in comparison."

"He doesn't love me," Lily spoke finally. "You're wrong about that."

"No, I'm not," he replied, shaking his head. "He loves you much more than he'd ever be able to tell you - especially now. He has loved you too long, so long that I could never compete."

"You're wrong though." Her voice was solemn. "He told me he doesn't; to me that's irrefutable. How can you possibly--"

"I just know." There they stood, in the kitchen, staring straight at each other, two separate hearts, two separate souls. It was awkward to stand there, mere feet apart, so distanced at the heart. And as he stared, Sirius took a deep breath; this was it... this was _the_ moment. "D'you really wish for me to tell you how I know?" She did, but didn't give him any confirmation. And to him, she didn't need to. "Because he put absolutely nothing before you - he never has. That's how I know he never will; that's how I know he is so terribly in love with you, Lily."

"What are you talking--"

"The Prophet," he answered quietly. "He came to me a bit before the wedding asking for a job as an Auror. He could've had one in the blink of an eye, but I asked him for a favor instead. I asked him to back off the Ministry for a bit and go to the Prophet. When he wondered why, I told him I wanted him to look out for you for a bit. Just until I got settled at the Ministry."

Sirius rubbed his eyes with his hands. "I told him to think about it for a little bit and let me know, but he didn't think about it - not for a few days or a few hours even. In an instant he agreed. I told him that it would only be temporary, that when I got cozy in the Auror Department he could walk right in. And even as I told him this after he started working at the Prophet he didn't mind the wait."

He paused for a moment, not looking at the rapidly thinking Lily. He sighed, grabbing his temples with the fingertips of both hands. "He bent over backward, no questions ask, no thoughts of compensation; because the moment I said I wanted him to hang around you and look out for you, he had no objections. He thought: how did a job compare to you? Your happiness, your security, your life. A career didn't matter to him as much as you did. As for me? Well... we both know which come out on top."

"I'm sorry."

Sirius looked surprised at her small reply to his long explanation. His jaw dropped slightly as she stepped a little closer to him.

"I am sorry for so much," Lily continued. "I'm sorry that I became a chore, that I fell in love with James, that I hurt you this way." She sighed. "I'm sorry that after all I've put us through and despite all you've just said, James is not in love with me, and that he will never accept me as a part of his life, like you did... I am very sorry for betraying our love."

She turned away from him, moving toward the front door of their - his - apartment.

"I've betrayed you in far too many ways," his voice said back to her.

"You were just trying to save people's lives," she replied back, not turning toward him still.

"No," he breathed out. "Even before that..."

"How d'you mean?" Lily turned to look at him this time, her eyes focusing in on his own.

"I was seeing someone for a little while, when we started out in seventh year." From his voice it was apparent that this proclamation seemed to be a weight off his chest.

"Oh?"

"I promised the Marauders that I stopped seeing her a few months after we'd officially gotten together," he said quietly, his eyes unable to meet hers. "James would've killed me if I hadn't..."

She could tell even though he had let this betrayal out, his voice still held the guilt - the guilt from a secret still sitting upon his tongue. "And?" she led. "When did it end?"

"About nine months ago," he admitted, turning ashamedly away from her. "A few months before we got engaged."

He hadn't heard the door closed behind her and in the silence he turned around to stare at it. She was gone.

* * *

She wasn't cold. She was freezing... for a very long time. Three weeks? Maybe more like a month. She couldn't tell. This room was cold - wait, no it wasn't. No, she was cold. Her heart was cold.

Her mother's reaction was... oh, she can't even remember now. Her brain learned to grow numb because of it: because of what _he_ said, because of what _she_ said about _him_. Lily had taken her mother's advice and taken a month long vacation to Paris, France. She was tired of France; it chilled her. She wanted to go back home but didn't want to face anyone. She didn't want to go back to the Prophet, to see James, and to know that she brought all this on to herself.

But she had to.

A month was quite long enough - too long, really - to sit and wallow and be bitter and be crushed. Not when all her friends were fighting and dying, while she was here only pretending to be a person.

He had betrayed her - she had betrayed him. Was it the same? No. Did that matter now? ...no. The past was the past. That marriage was finished now... And now it was time to make a future.

So she left. She went to the wardrobe, threw all of her belongings into the dust-covered suitcase and left. Her mother wasn't home when she arrived - it was nearly eight in the morning and her mother would be off at work. The house was the same though; her room, just as she had left it the day she grabbed every piece of clothing she owned and ran for the hills - ran for Paris. But Paris was not a complete escape for her.

Her mother wrote to her a few times, James even wrote once. She remembered the letter.

_ Lily,_

_ I'm sorry._

_ James_

She would remember the curve of his name until the day she died. Not that she needed to, since the letter laid secure in the pocket of her wizard robes at almost all times. But she couldn't help but see his hand arching on the parchment; couldn't help but see the way he wrote James. Where the J hung centimeters below the rest of his name and rose a mere centimeter above them...

Amelia Bones had written to her a few times when she had first reached Paris but then the letters, unanswered, suddenly stopped. She supposed James was the reason for that. Amelia was worried about Lily; this was obvious in the letters she did send, hoping for Lily's safe return home, stating that her office would be waiting for her when she was ready to come back.

She would go today, Lily decided. Even if it were just to resign, she would get it done today and not sit here in the prison of her old home, the prison of herself. She quickly penned a note to her mother explaining her whereabouts and left.

The Prophet, like her mother's house, was the same. People were rushing around working when she got there, throwing her incredulous and understanding looks as she walked through the lobby and toward her old office. She stopped when she reached the door. She had seen it. Merlin, had it been there the entire time? It mocked her now as it read:

**Lily and James Potter**

As if this office belonged to the Potters, as if they were an 'us'...

Her heart was beating fast as she pushed the door quietly open, and it nearly bounded out of her chest when she saw him: lounging at the desk, feet upon it, a cup of black coffee - and presumably firewhiskey - sitting at his feet. His eyes flew up to meet her as she closed the door softly.

"Hello," he said, taking his feet off the desk and sitting up straight.

"Hi," she replied softly, hoarsely. She hadn't used her voice for so long.

"Welcome back." His voice was quiet. He stood up now and walked toward her. Her heart nearly burst in her chest and he drew closer. Close enough to see every fault on her face, every ounce of love she knew she radiated for him.

"Coffee and firewhiskey?" she asked, moving over to the desk and drawing the coffee to her nose, trying to keep his attention off of her and her heartbreak. The last thing she wanted to hear was, "I'm sorry." To hear how sorry he was about Sirius... how sorry he was about himself and the love he couldn't... wouldn't give her.

He didn't answer, but turned around from the door and walked toward her. He placed the cup back on the table, then gingerly titled her face upward, his eyes begging her to look at him.

"I'm glad you're back," he muttered quietly, embracing her, his arms around her shoulders, her face buried in his chest. _Please don't cry_, Lily begged herself, feeling the tears well, _oh not now, please! _But as sure as she felt the tears in her eyes, she felt some atop her head. She pulled away slightly and looked up to see a few tears roll down James' face. After a short silence where they both were able to control their emotions, James put a hand to her cheek and she stared straight up at him.

"Be with me," he whispered to her.

Her heart had exploded, she knew it. Her chest caved in, her lungs lost air, she sputtered out the most heartbreaking gasp as she grabbed his hand from her face. She hoped she had heard him right, hoped he just gave her the same option she had given in a month ago - the one she wished she had given him years and years ago. She laced her fingers in his own; his face immediately broke into a smile as she nodded her response.

"I should've said yes years ago."

"No matter," James responded, his eyes bright and his smile clear. "All that matters is right here." He nodded toward their linked hands. "And right now."

The state of her emotions caused her to laugh, a laugh that clearly showed that she was elated - that her happiness was beyond words. She knew the hazel eyes staring at her would still be doing so the next day, the day after that and forever after. That they, Lily and James, would survive the test of time; their loving looks, their beautiful promises, their unbreakable love, would live as long as they would. That they would share the love of a lifetime.


End file.
